Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? It feels like there is some kind of plot where the odds are most certainly stacked against you.. No matter how hard you try, nothing goes your way. We've all been there, haven't we? But have you ever paused to think about what those difficult days actually teach us?
When life gives us lemons we need to get better at making lemonade. It's easy to get caught up in the frustration and disappointment. Yet, these challenging moments can have the most valuable lessons within them. How often do we truly appreciate our own strength until we're put to the test? Those days when we feel like throwing in the towel are the same days when we are pushed to the absolute limits. The evidence just how resilient we are and how much we can take despite feeling we are close to breaking point. Isn't it fascinating how struggles can uncover parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed? What's more, difficult days remind us of the importance of perspective. We all let the small inconveniences influence our mood even if just for a few minutes until we move on to the next thing? Yet, when we step back, we realize that these troubles are often temporary. Could it be that these rough patches help us cultivate gratitude for the growth? Failure. It's a word that can evoke an array of emotions—fear, disappointment, or even shame. It's often down to the way we view whatever we 'failed'. I try to see failure might to be a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block? What if, instead of seeing failure as the end of the road, we viewed it as a detour that offers valuable lessons along the way? This shift in perspective, often referred to as "reframing," can transform our understanding of these tough times on the journey we call life Think about the last time you believed you failed How did it make you feel? Did you find yourself questioning your abilities or even your worth? This is totally understandable and a natural response, because of all the effort we put in, but what if we asked ourselves different questions instead? What did this teach me about myself? What can I do differently next time? By reframing or changing the picture in the frame in this way, we can make sense of what happened and any changes to our approach. A change in mindset can turn a loss into a lesson? Of course, this isn't to say that reframing failure is easy nor that you will do this once and the disappointment is gone. It takes effort and practice to look beyond the immediate sting of disappointment and dig deeper into the experience. You've got this, if you need help working on your mindset. I'm here for you. The trust we have in ourselves is a journey that starts from within, don't you think?
Let's take a moment and recall the last pep talk you had with yourself. Was it filled with words that gave you hope, sparked encouragement, and ignited faith in your potential and the endless possibilities that lie ahead? It's a tough one for many of us to ponder, isn't it? So how do we navigate our dreams, our aspirations, our goals and the road that stretches out before us? When our minds are clouded with doubt, with a constant internal dialogue that's less of a cheerleader and more of a critic, even taking that first step can seem daunting. We've already painted a picture of the outcome, haven't we? Shouldn't we show ourselves the same kindness we extend to those we care about? Think about it. Have you ever given a friend that much-needed pep talk when they were sweating over an upcoming exam or a big presentation at work? They find solace and comfort in your words because they trust you. They believe in your faith in them. But would that trust remain if your words focused solely on their struggles? Probably not, right? Yet we find it hard to extend that same courtesy to ourselves, don't we? Sure, the relationship we have with ourselves might seem like it's just there, like we're stuck with it, There’s some truth in that I will be honest... So isn't it all the more reason to make this relationship one that's filled with compassion and motivation? The path towards self trust as with a lot of stuff is unique and will look different for each of us. We want this to form the foundations of achieving the goals you have. Feeling your feelings Ever caught yourself tangled up in the confusion of your own emotions? In our fast-paced reality, do we sometimes find solace in distraction when our feelings become a challenging maze to navigate? Be it mindless scrolling through social feeds, getting lost in video games, or finally buckling down on that lingering project - are these not our escape routes from the intimidating task of unpicking what is happening for us? Sounds familiar, doesn't it? While such diversions might offer temporary peace in our minds, they don't really give us the chance to sit with our emotions, understand them, or figure out our next move. If you're someone who finds comfort in conversation, like me, a chat over coffee with a friend could provide the much-needed outlet. Or if you're more of an introspective soul, jotting down your thoughts might offer a fresh perspective or insight. Change the station Ever tuned into your own internal radio station? You know, that one that seems to have a knack for playing the hits that really get under your skin? Sometimes it's like our minds have a default setting to the "inner critic" station, and boy, can that DJ be harsh. Ever heard those tracks? The ones that tell you you're not up to scratch, that success is a pipe dream, or that every step you take is a misstep? And despite the negativity, it's almost like there's a twisted sense of comfort in those familiar tunes, right? But what if we dared to change the station? What if we acknowledged these critical hits but learned to see them for what they really are - misguided attempts at keeping us safe? How would that change our dance through life? We want to play those hits that give us they've got this I can do this outlook, we can even thank the critical DJ for trying to help but let them know we have this in hand everything is sorted. Trusted sources We all have different people who we can count on for different things. Those who are careful with the words they choose are somewhat skilful in their approach, and those who are straight to the point without any sugar coating. That's the value of people. When we are thinking about taking steps to achieve our goals we need to go to the right people at the right time. If we are already losing faith and the DJ is playing a critical or outdated hit. We need to be able to trust in the person we go to, to support us getting on the path to success again If trusting yourself sounds like a more hopeful place to be. I can help you! Do you ever find yourself caught in the tangle of your own thoughts?
I have especially when it comes to understanding the connection between intention, mindset, and action. I know I have and It's something I often discuss with clients. The idea of only been in control of our words as they leave our mouths and being hopeful they are received in the we we hoped can feel pretty terrifying. I remember years ago feeling like I almost had to rehearse conversations before they happened as some kind of prep. I'm better at this now thankfully. We get into conversation and hopefully they flow easily, stress free. Many of them happen naturally and because they don't have any risk attached we are okay. But what about those connections where there is attraction, a job opportunity or situation where their is something likely to change. The crux of the dilemma, usually lies in the alignment – or often, the misalignment – between what we intend to do, the mindset we cultivate, and the actions we ultimately take. It's as though there's a constant battle raging within, where doubt and second-guessing muddle the waters. We might set out to put our best foot forward, that's our intention. If we hold the mindset of acceptance or rejection then there's a lot more at stake. There's probably going to be a lot more consideration around our spoken words and how we act because we want to get it right. At work, we might set out with the clear intention to be more assertive in personal and professional relationships, fuelled by a mindset that has self-confidence in the driving seat the value of our voice. But when the moment of action arrives, there's a hesitation, a voice that questions whether we are overstepping or misjudging the situation. When we start talking about intentions and their impact on our mindset and behaviour. The idea that our intentions set the stage for how we think and act is both empowering and scary. We can choose our direction, align our thoughts and actions as far as possible of course . But on the other hand, there’s this pressure that comes with it. What if my intentions are misguided? What if I set out with the best of intentions and still end up lost? I hear you and that could happen but what if it does It's a balancing act whilst there a chance something could be lost there’s equal changes of hope. We can always reassess and realign our intentions. Thankfully we don't have only one chance at this stuff. I've got the key... It isn’t to have perfect intentions from the start, it would be nice I know but to be willing to reflect, learn, and adjust as we go. It’s about embracing the journey, with all its uncertainties and opportunities for growth. After all, setting intentions is not a one-time act but an ongoing process. It's truly heart-warming to see mental health being openly discussed on various media platforms. The visibility and openness can help break down the stigmas that many of us have silently battled against for too long.
It's a relief to know that conversations about anxiety, self-doubt, and other mental health challenges are becoming more common, encouraging people to speak up and seek help, knowing they're not alone in their struggles. Amid our daily hustle, it can feel incredibly isolating to think that no one else could possibly understand what we're going through. This feeling alone can make the weight of our problems feel even heavier. When people choose to share their personal stories and struggles, it does more than just fill silence; it bridges gaps. Hearing someone else share feelings or experiences that resonate with our own can light up a path that was previously shrouded in darkness, showing us that others have walked similar paths and have found ways to feel better and create a life where they trust in themselves more. In my work with clients, we talk about how sharing their experiences can help them feel less alone and begin to trust themselves more. It's a gentle reminder that our stories deserve to be heard and can also help others feel less isolated. I know that recognising when someone is struggling can be tough, and it's understandable that we can, at times, wish there was some kind of label. Because then we would know for sure and could take action quickly. Where to start? Remember to keep the conversation open about what you've just watched or seen. It's important to acknowledge and normalize reaching out for help. Instead of asking lots of questions, try to be curious about opinions and feelings towards something on the screen, rather than someone you are worried about. They are likely to observe how you are responding to this, and sharing may come later. Have you watched a documentary or on screen problem recently, that has left you wanting to understand something in your life with more clarity. I can help you. Imagine you're a tourist, you've just arrived in town it's your first time here. You are full of excitement, energised and alert. You really want to get stuck in - it's a place you have wanted to visit for ages!. When you are in an unfamiliar place, you may feel more vulnerable and disoriented not sure of your way around. You might be bursting for the toilet or even in need of a good coffee after your travel. Many of us can do this. This a quick question with little need to overthink because we approach it with a what possibly could go wrong attitude. They will have a wealth of knowledge or not be able to help. Whatever the outcome nothing crazy is likely to happen. Wait, what if we bumped into someone who was also heading to the coffee shop and offered to show us the way? As we start walking together, we engage in a casual conversation, asking questions like how long are you planning to stay here and what are your plans for the day. You are pretty similar and find that you might even be attending some of the same events. It's all really easy going time goes quickly. I know what you are going to say, I don't have the confidence. I hear you but believe you do. You have the confidence and courage within you, even if you may not realise it. In fact, you have already demonstrated it by taking action. Don't doubt yourself, trust in your abilities. When venturing into the tourist world it often brings to the forefront a whirlwind of emotions, especially for those who struggle with the daunting task of having conversation in unfamiliar territories. The thought alone can stir a pot of anxiety, a feeling all too familiar. There's this nagging self-distrust that whispers, "What if I can't make myself understood?" or "What if I misinterpret something crucial?" Don't lose sight just yet. Who said you have to go to a different country, you don't even have to go to another country. You could simply go to a town a few miles away. There's always someone around. This would allow you to engage in conversation. How do I approach it? 1) Decide what you fancy doing? 2) Choose an area you would like to explore? 3) Have a plan in place for getting there? 4) Once you are there, put your tourist hat on (it doesn't have to be an actual hat unless you want it to be, of course and get going). There is no right or wrong way to tour remember! If you want to wear your tourist hat more often and have more confidence starting conversations. I can help. When thinking about the words steady yourself. What comes to mind?
Stopping ourselves from falling over, not drinking too much or making sure we are all ready for our next family dinner. If we are to steady ourselves, this comes from understanding that life is a series of ebbs and flows, of highs and lows, and that it's okay to wobble, to not always have it all figured out. I love working with clients who want to connect more with their inner selves and develop a more compassionate inner voice. Together, we can transform negative self-talk and self-sabotage into a kinder and more supportive inner dialogue, one that feels like a good friend. Some days feels like we have it covered, everything is going as we expected. Nothing out of the ordinary or any hidden surprises. On other days it feels like we are riding waves of uncertainty Finding balance in life often feels like walking a tightrope, especially when you're grappling with feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. We all face moments in life when we feel like we're at the bottom of a mountain, unsure if we have the strength to make it to the top. It can be overwhelming, with your heart racing and doubts creeping in at every step. The fear of failure can be terrifying especially if you've committed to doing something with friends or loved ones. But remember, finding balance is not about avoiding challenges. It's about learning to trust yourself, recognising your own strength and resilience, and taking risks even when your inner voice is telling you otherwise. It's okay to feel scared or overwhelmed, and that you're not alone in those feelings. We have all been there feeling like we are standing at the bottom of a mountain not sure if we have the physical power to get to the top, wondering what to do next, your heart racing as you question every decision, every step you take. The fear of failing seems so real. You've agreed to do this with your friends and don't want to let them down. But here's the thing—balance is not about avoiding the challenge, it's about learning to trust yourself, to believe that you have the strength and the resilience to take risks, even when the critical voice inside your head is trying to convince you not to begin. The journey to self-trust and balance is fraught with challenges. It's a path littered with questions and uncertainties. "Am I doing the right thing?" "What if I fall or don't make it to the top?" These thoughts can be overwhelming, an internal radio that drowns out the quiet voice of confidence within you. But remember, it's okay to feel this way. It's a part of being human. The key is not to silence these thoughts but to acknowledge them, to listen, and to gently remind yourself that you are capable. The ebbs and flows in life teach us we can make it through, we can attempt those things we never imagined we would have the courage to. It's about finding moments of peace within the chaos, taking a deep breath; grounding ourselves in the world around us staying in the present. Practice self-compassion, allow yourself to make mistakes, and drop the need to know everything and to have it all worked out yesterday. If you need help, steadying yourself, if you have lost your balance, feeling like the mountains of life are much steeper than they've felt before. I'm here to support you. Are you in your late 20's or even reached your 30's, do you ever feel like time is slipping away from you?
The pressure of age and the ticking of the social clock can be overwhelming at times. It's natural to want to keep up with expectations of society, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different. So take a deep breath, relax, and remember you're on your own unique path. If this is you, have you ever noticed the immense societal pressure that exists to follow a social clock? It appears to be constantly ticking and if you allow it, it's easy to become fixated on the opinions of others regarding where you should be and what you should be doing at your current age. Feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of others can be disheartening. It can feel like a burden that's impossible to lift, like being submerged in a sea of obligations that aren't your own. Sometimes, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want and your dreams. This can make you feel insignificant and confused about your direction in life. It's important to remember who you are and stay true to yourself. The crazy bit... The opinions of those closest to us often matter the most. It can be challenging to balance our own perceptions with the views that others hold about our lives. Sometimes, we feel a nagging sensation in the back of our minds that we should care about the beliefs of those around us. After all, they want what's best for us. I'm going to guess now.
Where does the pressure of the social clock come from? The biggest, in my belief, is comparing ourselves. We often compare something we like about another person with something we wish we had ourselves. It's a quick way of deciding if we are good enough or not. This happens without much effort or evaluation. We see something we like about someone else's life and wish we had it too, without realising that we're different people with different paths and timelines. We probably don't know all of the details, the back story. Many of us are comparing something we like about another person with something we dislike about ourselves Timelines have a place, probably for meeting a deadline at work, this makes sense because there are usually different ways of approaching a task but the end goal is the same. The same can't be said when we are making decisions about our life and future. We shouldn't feel rushed to achieve certain things by a certain age, because everyone's journey is unique and there's no one "right way" to live life. If you would like some support with managing expectations and pressure. If someone were to ask me if I watch films, my immediate answer would be "No!" I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time, especially with films. However, that statement is not entirely true. It depends on what I could learn from the film. They have been a lifesaver During my training as a therapist, my tutors often spoke about resources, including textbooks, academic journals, and reading. With all the best intentions, I tried to apply myself to these resources, but I found it tough to learn or take anything in. It is amazing how films can so effortlessly help things make sense. I remember once writing a journal entry after watching Billy Elliot and applying counselling theories to it. Thankfully for me not so much for those I watch films with. This has never stopped! Note I don't get much company to the cinema. Films can be the starting point for so many conversations, they are so relatable. How many of us have watched Inside Out? I have and loved it. Riley has five major emotions — Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust in her mind that work together to help guide her as they do all of us in managing change in our lives and the world around us or in ourselves. Maybe you are more of an X - men fan. Whatever works for you is good with me. (You might be surprised with what I know) If you struggle with the idea of sitting in a room talking to someone, let me reassure you, that therapy doesn't have to look like this, we can work in ways that are more suited to you. Many reading this blog might have first thought I am talking to men who drink alcohol.
We know men have different ways of coping and a weekly pub visit might be their Friday thing to de-stress and unwind that's not my focus here. and some might choose to visit the pub every week as a way to unwind I'm talking about hitting the bottle not so much in the physical sense instead hitting the bottle, metaphorically. They often put their feelings and emotions in a bottle and tightly screw on the lid so there's no chance of spills or leaks because we all know what mess that would make. Let's imagine for a second a bottle of emotions and mixed feelings - by bottling them up. Rather than expressing their feelings, they lock them away tightly to avoid any potential emotional outbursts which might lead to a mess. Growing up do you remember asking your parents to play a board game and being met with a No I've got loads of stuff I still need to do. We'll play it another time ok? Bottling up the sadness you felt, knowing there is little success in trying to persuade them. As an adult you are always the one asked to do favours at work, cover staff shortages and work your ass off to meet deadlines, keeping management quiet. You overhear someone say ask [...]they'll give you a hand with that. [...] knows how to do that, go run it past them. You recognise you are feeling frustrated but feel you can't show your outrage in front of people because of people. There's where the feeling goes, into the bottle. It's probably seen as a sign of maturity without much thought about where the emotions have gone. The situation has been and gone nothing more to say on the matter right? I say there's a lot still to be said actually. What about the message conveyed by language. It speaks to our values, opinions, and needs, and the role that emotions play in shaping our inner world. Emotions guide our actions, shape our perceptions, and help us form relationships with others." Bottling up means to hide real thoughts and feelings to avoid burdening others with our stuff. Keeping our thoughts and emotions to ourselves. It can be a way to protect those around us. However, just like a fizzy drink, it can only hold so much before the pressure builds up and the lid pops off unexpectedly. This can create a storm of emotions that have been confined for too long. It's important to acknowledge our feelings and find healthy ways to express them rather than letting them brew inside. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and support from those who care about you. If you need support understanding your emotions and how to manage them. I have helped men to be able to talk more freely about their feelings and can offer the same to you. We are all well aware of the amount of time we spend at work. We need to be there to bring in the money. It needs to be done but where is the fun in that?
As adults, we often lose that sense of fun because most of our time adulting. I'm not even sure if this is even a term but I've definitely seen it thrown around on social media. If it's good enough there then it's good enough here. If I asked how many of you as children spent your time climbing trees, collecting insects or things off the floor to take pictures. We forget to have fun as adults. We fill our time with family, work and all of the stuff in between we can lose sight of doing something for ourselves. When we connect with our fun side that little boy or girl that still lives inside of us. It lowers our stress levels, lifts our mood and believe it or not improves our productivity. We might even find ourselves raring to go. Let's feel good Doing something that we enjoy allows us to free ourselves from adult duties and responsibilities even if only for a short time. It also helps to release endorphins that help us feel happier. Get moving Many of us spend most sitting for longer periods than we'd like, really needing to give ourselves a stretch maybe this could call for a more active hobby. If we can find an outlet for our stress, reduce the cortisol and have fun it's a win-win. We all need to let go sometimes and tap into those activities that offer us enjoyment. It doesn't have to be a sport it might be working on your, car. If you enjoy being in nature picking up your camera, taking some snaps and editing them. Our view of fun matters We see fun as a distraction from all that we have to do, putting it on the back burning because it can wait. If we view fun as something that offers distraction, it isn't quite the same as fun being essential to our wellbeing and wellness. What did fun look like for you growing up and how might it look now? I love a game of monopoly myself but I know its not everyone's thing Taking time for ourselves can be difficult, maybe you want to but don't know where to start. I can help you to feel better about yourself, to invest in you. |
AuthorDemi Shakespeare
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