How often does the question "How are you?" get met with a response of "I'm fine" from you? It's the customary response, right?  Why wouldn't we believe someone when they say they're doing okay? We take the words at face value, not questioning their validity.

Yet, we're all aware that the words we voice don't always reflect our inner emotions. At times, we may be too hasty to offer a response without truly connecting with our emotional state - or as a therapist would put it, "feeling our feelings".

It's wild to think that it's been years since I first became a therapist in 2019. The time just seems to fly be. I recall seeing a post about FINE being an acronym for 'Feelings Inside Not Expressed', and it's a concept that's stayed with me. 

I heard something similar, where an artist spoke about F is for feeling overwhelmed, I is for I'm not ok, N is for not sleeping. E is for every night.

We, as a society, often misinterpret vulnerability as a sign of frailty—it's not something we're typically at ease with. I fully understand this situation. Like numerous clients, I've endured that sinking feeling in my stomach, my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

In therapy by creating a safe harbour, a sanctuary where emotions aren't judged but embraced. It's pretty clear It's not that we don't recognize our worries, it's that we're terrified of the fallout that might come from revealing our experiencing to those in our circle.

Sharing your feelings can be a daunting task, especially when you're grappling with self-doubt and anxiety. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to navigate these conversations that can help you feel heard and understood. Here are some tips that might make the process a bit easier for you.

First, try to identify what exactly you're feeling. This might seem obvious, but emotions can be complex and layered. It might help to write down your thoughts beforehand, or even practice saying them out loud to yourself. This can give you a clearer picture of what you want to convey and can reduce some of the anxiety about finding the right words in the moment.

When it comes time to share, choose a listener you trust. This might be a friend, family member, or therapist who has shown themselves to be supportive and understanding in the past. Let them know that what you’re about to share is important to you and that you’re seeking their understanding and support. Setting the stage in this way can help create a safe space for your feelings.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. It’s okay if it feels awkward or if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly. Sharing your feelings is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.

​Remember to be kind to yourself and acknowledge the courage it takes to open up. You’re making an important step towards better understanding and managing your emotions, and that’s something to be proud of.

​If you feel talking to a therapist is for you. I'm here for you. 

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought, wondering why your mind seems to be racing a mile a minute?

In our fast-paced world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed, yet we often forget to take a moment and check in with ourselves. Keeping a mental health journal can be a transformative practice, providing a space to unravel the knots of your thoughts and emotions. But what exactly does this entail, and how can it benefit you?

Consider this: how often do you truly allow yourself to express your deepest thoughts, the ones that you believe if people knew they'd think you were crazy!

A journal is a safe space where you can write away lay bare your anxieties, joys, fears, and dreams without the fear being misunderstood. By regularly jotting down your day-to-day experiences, you can begin to identify patterns in your emotions and those moments where your buttons are pressed. Have you noticed how certain situations always seem to tip you over the edge? Or perhaps there are recurring moments of joy that you might want to cherish more deliberately. Reflecting on these entries can offer profound insights into your mental state and help you navigate the ebbs and flows of life with greater ease.
But let's get real—starting and maintaining a journal can feel daunting, especially if you're not sure where to begin. Why not start with a simple question: "How am I feeling today?" It's a straightforward prompt that can open the vessel for really connecting with where you are, maybe you could reflect on a specific event: "What happened today that made me feel particularly happy or anxious?" 

How does this have anything to do with self care

Self care isn't just about understanding yourself better; it's also about nurturing your well-being. How often do you take time out to truly care for yourself? When you journal, you're not just documenting your life; you're actively engaging in a practice that promotes mental clarity, reduces stress, and supports emotional healing. It's like having a conversation with a wise friend who always has your best interests at heart but doesn't try to fix it So, why not give it a try? The next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, grab a notebook and start writing. You might just find that the answers you've been seeking have been within you all along.

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to journal. It's all about finding what resonates with you and fits into your unique lifestyle. So, why not give it a try? What have you got to lose, and more importantly, what might you gain in this journey of self-discovery?

If you feel you need help with getting started. Reach out to see how I can support you

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? It feels like there is some kind of plot where the odds are most certainly stacked against you.. No matter how hard you try, nothing goes your way. We've all been there, haven't we? But have you ever paused to think about what those difficult days actually teach us?

When life gives us lemons we need to get better at making lemonade. It's easy to get caught up in the frustration and disappointment. Yet, these challenging moments can have the most valuable lessons within them.

How often do we truly appreciate our own strength until we're put to the test? Those days when we feel like throwing in the towel are the same days when we are pushed to the absolute limits. The evidence just how resilient we are and how much we can take despite feeling we are close to breaking point. Isn't it fascinating how struggles can uncover parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed?
What's more, difficult days remind us of the importance of perspective. We all let the small inconveniences influence our mood even if just for a few minutes until we move on to the next thing? Yet, when we step back, we realize that these troubles are often temporary. Could it be that these rough patches help us cultivate gratitude for the growth?

 Failure. It's a word that can evoke an array of emotions—fear, disappointment, or even shame. It's often down to the way we view whatever we 'failed'.

I try to see failure might to be a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block? What if, instead of seeing failure as the end of the road, we viewed it as a detour that offers valuable lessons along the way? This shift in perspective, often referred to as "reframing," can transform our understanding of these tough times on the journey we call life 

Think about the last time you believed you failed How did it make you feel? Did you find yourself questioning your abilities or even your worth?  This is totally understandable and a natural response, because of all the effort we put in, but what if we asked ourselves different questions instead? What did this teach me about myself? What can I do differently next time? By reframing or changing the picture in the frame in this way, we can make sense of what happened and any changes to our approach. A change in mindset can turn a loss into a lesson? Of course, this isn't to say that reframing failure is easy nor that you will do this once and the disappointment is gone. It takes effort and practice to look beyond the immediate sting of disappointment and dig deeper into the experience.

You've got this, if you need help working on your mindset. I'm here for you.
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The trust we have in ourselves is a journey that starts from within, don't you think?
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Let's take a moment and recall the last pep talk you had with yourself. Was it filled with words that gave you hope, sparked encouragement, and ignited faith in your potential and the endless possibilities that lie ahead? It's a tough one for many of us to ponder, isn't it?

So how do we navigate our dreams, our aspirations, our goals and the road that stretches out before us?
When our minds are clouded with doubt, with a constant internal dialogue that's less of a cheerleader and more of a critic, even taking that first step can seem daunting. We've already painted a picture of the outcome, haven't we? Shouldn't we show ourselves the same kindness we extend to those we care about? Think about it. Have you ever given a friend that much-needed pep talk when they were sweating over an upcoming exam or a big presentation at work?

They find solace and comfort in your words because they trust you. They believe in your faith in them. But would that trust remain if your words focused solely on their struggles? Probably not, right?
Yet we find it hard to extend that same courtesy to ourselves, don't we?
Sure, the relationship we have with ourselves might seem like it's just there, like we're stuck with it, There’s some truth in that I will be honest... So isn't it all the more reason to make this relationship one that's filled with compassion and motivation?

The path towards self trust as with a lot of stuff is unique and will look different for each of us. We want this to form the foundations of achieving the goals you have.

Feeling your feelings 
Ever caught yourself tangled up in the confusion of your own emotions? In our fast-paced reality, do we sometimes find solace in distraction when our feelings become a challenging maze to navigate? Be it mindless scrolling through social feeds, getting lost in video games, or finally buckling down on that lingering project - are these not our escape routes from the intimidating task of unpicking what is happening for us? Sounds familiar, doesn't it? While such diversions might offer temporary peace in our minds, they don't really give us the chance to sit with our emotions, understand them, or figure out our next move. If you're someone who finds comfort in conversation, like me, a chat over coffee with a friend could provide the much-needed outlet. Or if you're more of an introspective soul, jotting down your thoughts might offer a fresh perspective or insight.

Change the station 
Ever tuned into your own internal radio station? You know, that one that seems to have a knack for playing the hits that really get under your skin? Sometimes it's like our minds have a default setting to the "inner critic" station, and boy, can that DJ be harsh. Ever heard those tracks? The ones that tell you you're not up to scratch, that success is a pipe dream, or that every step you take is a misstep? And despite the negativity, it's almost like there's a twisted sense of comfort in those familiar tunes, right? But what if we dared to change the station? What if we acknowledged these critical hits but learned to see them for what they really are - misguided attempts at keeping us safe? How would that change our dance through life? We want to play those hits that give us they've got this I can do this outlook, we can even thank the critical DJ for trying to help but let them know we have this in hand everything is sorted.

Trusted sources
We all have different people who we can count on for different things. Those who are careful with the words they choose are somewhat skilful in their approach, and those who are straight to the point without any sugar coating. That's the value of people. When we are thinking about taking steps to achieve our goals we need to go to the right people at the right time. If we are already losing faith and the DJ is playing a critical or outdated hit. We need to be able to trust in the person we go to, to support us getting on the path to success again 

If trusting yourself sounds like a more hopeful place to be. I can help you!
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Do you ever find yourself caught in the tangle of your own thoughts?

I have especially when it comes to understanding the connection between intention, mindset, and action. I know I have and  It's something I often discuss with clients. The idea of only been in control of our words as they leave our mouths and being hopeful they are received in the we we hoped  can feel pretty terrifying. I remember years ago feeling like I almost had to rehearse conversations before they happened as some kind of prep. I'm better at this now thankfully.
We get into conversation and hopefully they flow easily, stress free. Many of them happen naturally and because they don't have any risk attached we are okay.

But what about those connections where there is attraction, a job opportunity  or situation where their is something likely to change.

The crux of the dilemma, usually  lies in the alignment – or often, the misalignment – between what we intend to do, the mindset we cultivate, and the actions we ultimately take. It's as though there's a constant battle raging within, where doubt and second-guessing muddle the waters. 
We might set out to put our best foot forward, that's our intention. If we hold the mindset of acceptance or rejection then there's a lot more at stake. There's probably going to be a lot more consideration around  our spoken words and how we act because we want to get it right.

At work, we might set out with the clear intention to be more assertive in personal and professional relationships, fuelled by a mindset that has self-confidence in the driving seat the value of our voice. But when the moment of action arrives, there's a hesitation, a voice that questions whether we are overstepping or misjudging the situation.

When we start talking about intentions and their impact on our mindset and behaviour. The idea that our intentions set the stage for how we think and act is both empowering and scary. 

We can choose our direction, align our thoughts and actions as far as possible of course . But on the other hand, there’s this pressure that comes with it. What if my intentions are misguided? What if I set out with the best of intentions and still end up lost? I hear you and that could happen but what if it does 
It's a balancing act whilst there a chance something could be lost  there’s equal changes of hope.  We can always reassess and realign our intentions. Thankfully we don't have only one chance at this stuff.

I've got the key...
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It isn’t to have perfect intentions from the start, it would be nice I know but to be willing to reflect, learn, and adjust as we go. It’s about embracing the journey, with all its uncertainties and opportunities for growth. After all, setting intentions is not a one-time act but an ongoing process.

It's truly heart-warming to see mental health being openly discussed on various media platforms. The visibility and openness can help break down the stigmas that many of us have silently battled against for too long.

It's a relief to know that conversations about anxiety, self-doubt, and other mental health challenges are becoming more common, encouraging people to speak up and seek help, knowing they're not alone in their struggles.

Amid our daily hustle, it can feel incredibly isolating to think that no one else could possibly understand what we're going through. This feeling alone can make the weight of our problems feel even heavier.
When people choose to share their personal stories and struggles, it does more than just fill silence; it bridges gaps. Hearing someone else share feelings or experiences that resonate with our own can light up a path that was previously shrouded in darkness, showing us that others have walked similar paths and have found ways to feel better and create a life where they trust in themselves more.
In my work with clients, we talk about how sharing their experiences can help them feel less alone and begin to trust themselves more. It's a gentle reminder that our stories deserve to be heard and can also help others feel less isolated.

I know that recognising when someone is struggling can be tough, and it's understandable that we can, at times, wish there was some kind of label. Because then we would know for sure and could take action quickly.

Where to start?
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Remember to keep the conversation open about what you've just watched or seen.
 It's important to acknowledge and normalize reaching out for help. Instead of asking lots of questions, try to be curious about opinions and feelings towards something on the screen, rather than someone you are worried about. They are likely to observe how you are responding to this, and sharing may come later.

Have you watched a documentary or on screen problem recently, that has left you wanting to understand something in your life with more clarity. I can help you. 

Imagine you're a tourist, you've just arrived in town it's your first time here. You are full of excitement, energised and alert. You really want to get stuck in - it's a place you have wanted to visit for ages!.

When you are in an unfamiliar place, you may feel more vulnerable and disoriented not sure of your way around. You might be bursting for the toilet or even in need of a good coffee after your travel.

Many of us can do this. This a quick question with little need to overthink because we approach it with a  what possibly could go wrong attitude. They will have a wealth of knowledge or not be able to help. Whatever the outcome nothing crazy is likely to happen.

Wait, what if we bumped into someone who was also heading to the coffee shop and offered to show us the way? As we start walking together, we engage in a casual conversation, asking questions like how long are you planning to stay here and what are your plans for the day. You are pretty similar and find that you might even be attending some of the same events. It's all really easy going time goes quickly.

I know what you are going to say, I don't have the confidence. I hear you but believe you do. You have the confidence and courage within you, even if you may not realise it. In fact, you have already demonstrated it by taking action. Don't doubt yourself, trust in your abilities.
 
When venturing into the tourist world it often brings to the forefront a whirlwind of emotions, especially for those who struggle with the daunting task of having conversation in unfamiliar territories. The thought alone can stir a pot of anxiety, a feeling all too familiar. There's this nagging self-distrust that whispers, "What if I can't make myself understood?" or "What if I misinterpret something crucial?"

Don't lose sight just yet. Who said you have to go to a different country, you don't even have to go to another country. You could simply go to a town a few miles away.  There's always someone around. This would allow you to engage in conversation.

How do I approach it?
​1) Decide what you fancy doing? 
2) Choose an area you would like to explore?
3) Have a plan in place for getting there?
4) Once you are there, put your tourist hat on (it doesn't have to be an actual hat unless you want it to be, of course and get going).

There is no right or wrong way to tour remember!

If you want to wear your tourist hat more often and have more confidence starting conversations. I can help. 

Are you in your late 20's or even reached your 30's, do you ever feel like time is slipping away from you?

The pressure of age and the ticking of the social clock can be overwhelming at times. It's natural to want to keep up with expectations of society, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different. So take a deep breath, relax, and remember  you're on your own unique path.
If this is you, have you ever noticed the immense societal pressure that exists to follow a social clock? It appears to be constantly ticking and if you allow it, it's easy to become fixated on the opinions of others regarding where you should be and what you should be doing at your current age.
Feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of others can be disheartening. It can feel like a burden that's impossible to lift, like being submerged in a sea of obligations that aren't your own. Sometimes, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want and your dreams. This can make you feel insignificant and confused about your direction in life. It's important to remember who you are and stay true to yourself.

​The crazy bit...

The opinions of those closest to us often matter the most. It can be challenging to balance our own perceptions with the views that others hold about our lives. Sometimes, we feel a nagging sensation in the back of our minds that we should care about the beliefs of those around us. After all, they want what's best for us.
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I'm going to guess now.

• Be a homeowner
• Have a partner 
• A job that you enjoy, that pays well and allows progression.

It's important to have a clear idea of what we're working towards, but we should also consider whether our goals are truly our own and their benefits to us they benefit us. 

Where does the pressure of the social clock come from?
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The biggest, in my belief, is comparing ourselves. We often compare something we like about another person with something we wish we had ourselves. It's a quick way of deciding if we are good enough or not. This happens without much effort or evaluation.

We see something we like about someone else's life and wish we had it too, without realising that we're different people with different paths and timelines. We probably don't know all of the details, the back story. Many of us are comparing something we like about another person with something we dislike about ourselves

Timelines have a place, probably for meeting a deadline at work, this makes sense because there are usually different ways of approaching a task but the end goal is the same. The same can't be said when we are making decisions about our life and future. 

 We shouldn't feel rushed to achieve certain things by a certain age, because everyone's journey is unique and there's no one "right way" to live life. If you would like some support with managing expectations and pressure.

If someone were to ask me if I watch films, my immediate answer would be "No!"  I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time, especially with films. However, that statement is not entirely true. It depends on what I could learn from the film. They have been a lifesaver

During my training as a therapist, my tutors often spoke about resources, including textbooks, academic journals, and reading. With all the best intentions, I tried to apply myself to these resources, but I found it tough to learn or take anything in. It is amazing how films can so effortlessly help things make sense.

I remember once writing a journal entry after watching Billy Elliot and applying counselling theories to it.  Thankfully for me not so much for those I watch films with. This has never stopped! Note I don't get much company to the cinema. 

Films can be the starting point for so many conversations, they are so relatable.

How many of us have watched Inside Out? I have and loved it. Riley has five major emotions — Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust in her mind that work together to help guide her as they do all of us in managing change in our lives and the world around us or in ourselves.  Maybe you are more of an X - men fan. Whatever works for you is good with me. (You might be surprised with what I  know)

If you struggle with the idea of sitting in a room talking to someone, let me reassure you, that therapy doesn't have to look like this, we can work in ways that are more suited to you.