​New, 30 minute therapy sessions now available!
 
Traditionally counselling sessions have been 50 minutes in length. However, as more research repeatedly confirms that the relationship, over modality, is the most important thing along with progressive, modern professionals, like myself, joining the industry more options are available. I truly believe that with therapy, one size does not fit all. There are times when 30 minutes sessions may be appropriate and beneficial. I am very happy to support my clients by offering shorter sessions when appropriate.
 
 
What session is right for me?
When we are working at emotional depth I would recommend we use the 50 minute format on a weekly basis, however the following may mean 30 minutes is more appropriate or beneficial:
 
▪️Anyone who may struggle to concentrate for 50 minutes (eg. young children or adults with ADHD)
▪️Clients I have worked with who need a space for accountability or overload non traumatic material to keep them on-course
▪️Clients actively working on their material but have external factors adding short term time pressures in their lives (eg. Uni or work deadlines, childcare issues, short term caring responsibilities) 
▪️Clients who need to book another session in the same week but don't want the financial or time burden of 2 full sessions
 
How often should I be having sessions?
Similarly, therapy has traditionally been a weekly commitment but I am more than happy to work with you to create a structure that works for you. Perhaps the time or financial commitment of weekly sessions is not something that would work for you right now and I am happy to discuss this and offer less frequent sessions if this is appropriate.
 
Important info to note; 

• All decisions about how we work together are done collaboratively and should I identify a need for changing our agreement I will work with you to explore how best to move forwards.
• As a therapist I have a duty of care to ensure the work we complete is not detrimental and this is something I am happy to talk over with you if needed.
• Changes to the length or frequency of sessions may mean the session time or day may need to change, this is something we can discuss.

One size does not fit all and as with most things in life we have to try on a few different items until we find the right fit!

If you would like to chat about therapy options I offer a complimentary 20 minute consultation.

Demi x



#MentalHealth #Counselling #wellbeing #suicideprevention
#selfesteem #TherapistMidlands #covid #IntegrativeTherapistMidlands #OnlineCounsellingUK #mentalwellness #mentalhealthsupport #OnlinetherapyUK 
#telephonecounselling #mentalhealthmatters #therapy #therapistsofinstagram 
#mentalhealthawareness #selfcare #anxiety

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Does it ever feel like everyone around you is getting on with things? Have everything together? Are always happy?

People seem to be putting more and more pressure on themselves to be like others continually comparing themselves. It is not helped by TV adverts, where life is perfect, where struggles are none existent.

It is particularly relevant over the Christmas period, Christmas underneath all the glistening tinsel, carefully wrapped presents can be the icing on the cake for some people who are already struggling. Last year, you might remember, I ran a surviving Christmas Advent. This year I am planning another post a day for the next 12 days with tips to help everyone manage the ever increasing demands placed on us over the festive season.

What helps you to manage the festive seasons, or what sort of tips do you think may be included? 

Demi x 


#MentalHealth
 #Counselling #Goals #Servivingchristmas #suicideprevention
#selfesteem #TherapistMidlands #covid #IntegrativeTherapistMidlands #OnlineCounsellingUK 
#counselling #mentalwellness #mentalhealthsupport #DisabilitycounsellorUK #OnlinetherapyUK 
#telephonecounselling #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #therapy #therapistsofinstagram 
#mentalhealthawareness
#selfcare #anxiety #selflove #love #depression #suicideawarness #therapistsofinstagram 
#christmas2020

Christmas.. I don't know if anyone else has noticed but the shops always seem to Be Christmas ready by the end of November selling Christmas cards advertising the latest kids trends. Shop assistants making small talk about all they have to organise and sort out, the worry about getting the turkey just right. This year it seems to have begun even earlier.
We often set our expectations and standards really high wanting the perfect Christmas, filling our minds with all those social media images of people drinking mulled wine, spending time with friends, going to their houses days and nights filled with laughter and excitement but this year is very different. None of us have ever experienced a Christmas during a pandemic and this can result in us putting even more pressure on ourselves to make it 'perfect' for everyone around us.

Maybe it's the financial pressure of the new PS5 that your kids have asked Santa for that feels overwhelming and you're not sure how to manage, we have limits and can be pushed over them. This might be your triggering event, where your thoughts are racing you can't see the wood for the trees.

It can sometimes feel like all of the difficulties we face and uncomfortable feeling we feel are almost expected to just disappear at Christmas 

It can feel difficult enough coping with suicidal feelings on a daily basis without the pressure of  feeling like you're supposed to be happy, the need to keep tears under wraps. I always ask people to consider what they would say to someone they care about if they were feeling this way right now. The answer I often get is they would acknowledge that they were feeling depressed, offer compassion yet when it comes to ourselves we struggle to say this to ourselves instead 

When working with my client I will sometimes say be kind to yourself, this could be about letting feelings inside the chance to be expressed, giving ourselves permission to ask for help not having to do everything alone .

Many counsellors can take a break at Christmas from their work and supporting people over the Christmas period but if these feeling are around daily we can't suddenly turn them off until the festive period is over or until our counsellor is working again.
When supporting clients who  are feeling suicidal I want to support them in reducing the distress they are feeling. Maybe there are parts of them that want to love, parts of them that want to die - to make the pain go away and are finding it difficult to work out the best way of doing it. Suicide is one way of doing it but passing the pain to other. I can help them carry the distress but need them to be alive and to work with me to relieve it 

I talk to clients about the traffic light approach which Carolyn Springs talks about the Amber zone where we enter flight/flight mode where we feel agitated. When we are here we often feel the need to do something. Here I want to help them develop ways of soothing themselves as that's what the brain and body needs in this moment. The body wants to feel safe and the pain to go away. This is where we need to go to our tool kit to look at our coping responses to get us back into the green zone where we feel safe. 


When someone starts to share that they have suicidal thoughts. I want to work with them to develop a plan to combat them. I also like to support clients in developing an emergency box.  When feeling suicidal, we are often focus on the now and lose sight of the future so listing plans and goals for the future are things to look forward too. 

I'm a person that likes to know what I'm doing and in what order. I like routine, it can be helpful to make lists of what to do when we feel we can't take the next step what has helped in the past. You can be create include photo, positive quotes of times when suicide didn't feel like an option when you didn't feel this way. Reminders that help us to put the breaks on, just get through till tomorrow,  tomorrow you will feel different feeling change. It's allows us to step back and notice what is going on.

It is about what works for this person,it will be different for each of us some people it might be being around people, listening to music or writing help.


In therapy I have worked with clients to create a safety plan:  

• What can I do to reduce  the risk of my suicidal thoughts (can I take actions to make the environment safe?)
• What are the the warning signs and triggers that make me feel I'm loosing control?
• What have I done before that's helped me cope?
• What can I do to calm and soothe myself?
• What would I say to a friend if they were feeling the way I am right now?
• Where can I go that I feel safe?
• Who can help me and how?
• What organisations could I contact?

This is something that I support my clients to complete as soon as they share they are struggling with suicidal thoughts, I sometimes use the emotional thermometer  too. This helps clients to identify how they are feeling and how it looks on a scale of 1-100 degrees and what they need to help them cope at different degrees.

If you need support dealing with the festive season reach out. 

​Demi x







#suicideprevention #selfesteem #TherapistMidlands #covid #IntegrativeTherapistMidlands #OnlineCounsellingUK #counselling #mentalwellness #mentalhealthsupport #DisabilitycounsellorUK #OnlinetherapyUK #telephonecounselling #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #therapy #therapistsofinstagram 
#mentalhealthawareness #selfcare #anxiety #selflove #love #depression #suicideawarness 
​#therapistsofinstagram #christmas2020

As you probably know if you are reading this blog. I love dogs, anything dogs or dog related I’m sold. I have such a bond with my girls  and would do anything for them if they are happy then I am. It really is that simple 


 I am fascinated by the human animal bond, when we interact with dogs in a positive way giving them a cuddle or offering some play time studies have said there is a boost in levels of oxytocin which is often linked to positive emotion. It has been called the love hormone. The bond and connection we can form with dogs (many other animals!) Has been compared to that of a mother and baby because this influences our hormones in much the same way the mechanism behind the connections is the same. ( I always believed this even before furthering my studies)


My girls are my babies just a little furrier than human ones. The uncertainty of life at the moment with restrictions to maintain our safety whilst at same point time sending our anxieties through the roof, changing our routines, making changes to the way we catch up with friends and spend our free time.

For some the effect on our self confidence is beyond measure and can cause long lasting damage to our self esteem and in turn our mental health. One way to combat this is to set definitive boundaries and this crops up in nearly all of my client therapy sessions. Our boundaries can help set the limits for what we are comfortable with. it sets the tone for what is acceptable behaviour for us and others. Boundaries also give others some indication of how far they can push us, make fun of us and take advantage of our good nature. 
You do not have to suffer in silence, whatever your age, it is not ok!

To chat further you can contact me via any of my social media pages or by emailing Demi@dstherapy.co.uk and please also visit www.anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk and find out more about Anti Bullying Week and the great work they do all year round.

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Demi x

Many of my Facebook and Instagram posts often look at boosting self esteem.. Self esteem is about the opinion we hold of ourselves. When we have healthy self esteem we often tend to to feel more positively about ourselves and consequently life in general. If our self esteem is low, it can mean we view life in a negative light. This can make it feel more difficult to face the challenges that life can often throw at us (Life can feel a little like a roller coaster, with bumps along the way).

The messages we hear from when we are growing up, from parents, teachers and those around us as well as social media more recently can influence this. I often think about children being a little like sponges in that they are super absorbent in holding onto these. 
Sadly our brains have a way of holding on these. 

Some of the common ones are:

• Not feeling good enough 
• Being hard on ourselves - having high expectations or finding it difficult to live up the expectations of others 

The more we recognise when we are allowing these messages to take the forefront of our minds, the quicker we can begin to work through these ( stopping them in their tracks) 

4 ways to tell if you have low self esteem
If we were working together on building your self esteem I would ask you to ask yourself the following 4 questions:
Do you see life in a negative light?
Words are powerful, not only those we speak out loud but the ones in our head too. The words and language we use that becomes tangled in our thoughts feelings and attitude so much so that these can mould the way we think about everything around us.
When the words that fill our mind are negative, the more they are listened too the greater the opportunity they have to reinforce themselves over time setting themselves deeply within our brains. 
There are various ways we can spot if we are experiencing destructive thinking 
How?

• Do you constantly blame yourself when bad things happen
• Are you someone who thinks of the worse case scenario when in a situation
• When approaching situations do you view things as perfect or a mess 
• Maybe if you mess up once then you see yourself as a failure with no middle ground
• Find yourself magnifying negative aspects of life/ situations dismissing the positive parts

If you answer yes to these then you quite possibly practice negative self talk. ( We are all guilty of this from time to time). These negative thinking patterns can cloud our vision, affect the way you view the world and yourself.

Do you hide away from social situations?
Poor self esteem can result in us believing we are not likeable or feeling unable to cope in social situations,holding negative expectations of what is going to happen 

This means we are likely to worry we  are going to embarrass themselves. There is often fear that if behaving in particular ways that this means others will think badly of us. When we take part  in social situations they engage in safety behaviours doing certain things in an attempt to avoid humiliation whilst others choose to not engage at all to allow them to feel safe this is a way of coping that will only be successful in the short term, if we are not able to take ourselves out of our comfort zone it can prevent us from being able to see that we can do well in these situations allowing the vicious cycle to continue. These avoidance behaviours come from a fear of failure, its better to not have tried at all than to fail. They may choose to do this as a way of preventing negative thoughts and feelings about themselves through being confined to a situation or event 

Do you value yourself 
When we are assertive it means we are able to express our thoughts, feelings and opinions, have the ability to set boundaries and say no. This can be extremely difficult to do if self esteem is low. We might feel we do not deserve to have an opinion, believe any opinions we have are not valid. If we do not see themselves as worthy it could mean we place the needs of those around us as a priority, sometimes at the expense of their own. Hiding the ' real you' in an attempt to:

• Please others
• Help you to fit in 
• Make yourself more likeable / likeable 
• Prevent rejection, embarrassment 

Are you hard on yourself 
Many of us can be hard on ourselves, blaming themselves for everything, being self critical, judging and punishing themselves negatively through magnifying their flaws or highlighting their mistakes. This often means that we overlook or discount the positives, often our own worst critics, but when it comes to other people are lenient and forgiving. Do you put pressure on yourself to be perfect through trying to please others, you might be excessively competitive, lash out if you make mistakes. These perfectionism behaviours lead people to believe if they are perfect this will mean they feel better about themselves and life will improve, such goals are unrealistic, achievable and can leave you feeling worthless.

Integrative Counselling can help with low self esteem issue and help you build your own coping toolkit.

You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram for more snippets of wisdom and feel free to reach out!

Demi x




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#selfesteem #esteem #TherapistMidlands #IntegrativeTherapistMidlands #OnlineCounsellingUK #counselling #mentalwellness #mentalhealthsupport #DisabilitycounsellorUK #OnlinetherapyUK #selfesteemcounsellor #teletherapy #telephonecounselling

​I’ve written Facebook and Instagram posts for the last few days, about the importance of boundaries. I've focused so far on personal boundaries. ( I thought I would try and put the main takeaways into a blog ( if your anything like me and can't find anything twice, once I've scrolled past it, it's probably gone for good)

Boundaries are often thought about in terms of helping us to learn right from wrong. They can also help us to establish our comfort zones, what it is that we value when thinking about our own personal space and feeling safe.

Let's consider the workplace. This is one of the areas in life where there are likely to be guidelines, policies and procedures to help guide us, they will give us a framework, goals and targets to work towards, depending on what it is that you do to achieve the best possible outcomes.

As a counsellor/ therapist I adhere to the BACP ethical framework to help me ensure I am always working in your best interest.

Our boundaries can help set the limits for what we are comfortable with, it sets the tone for what is acceptable behaviour for us and others. They also give others some indication of how far they can put us, put you down, make fun of us and take advantage of our good nature

At times in our personal lives, we might neglect our own boundaries to please others and whilst it may make them happy it can mean we begin to feel anxious, resentful and angry.

Some common ones are:

• Working extra shifts to help out with staff storages
• Having shorter lunch breaks to get jobs done

The more that we recognise, when our boundaries are becoming blurred the quicker we can work to rebuild them.

When our personal boundaries are overstepped, it can mean that unhealthy boundaries are developed affecting the way we feel and think about ourselves, finding ourselves uncertain of us we are, before we know it our identity has become mixed up with others, lowering how worthy we feel, we can feel somewhat out of touch with our feelings.

Setting boundaries does not always come easily. It's often a skill that needs to be learned. As children, we often learn through observation and imitating the behaviour of those around us. If we didn't have anyone to show us the ropes (black country dialect) in other words model the behaviour expected from us it can be tough.

We all want to be liked, so it’s not uncommon when thinking about doing this, that we are met with some anxiety (we talk about this in our staying calm in the face of COVID blog) and feel scared that rebuilding boundaries will push people out of their lives or risk being called selfish. Putting you first doesn't make you selfish. It means you recognise that you can not ignore or deprioritise you and expect to have a self left.

Stick with it!

I know a lot about boundaries now, what do I do?
List the boundaries you want to rebuild or strengthen. This can help make the process more concrete in the form of a structured goal, consider what this looks and feels like right now, and how it will feel once it has been rebuilt.

Okay, but I wanted to be able to help myself how can I?

Begin with the following steps

Step 1 : Know your limits
Think about your experiences, past and present notice when things didn't feel comfortable for you, times when you felt frustrated with someone. This will help you to recognise when your boundaries and being crossed. You could also consider what actions you could take to lessen those feelings of discomfort to feel safe again.


Step 2 : Be assertive
Being assertive often means we need to explain what we want and need, this can be challenging if we are normally the people in agreement with others.

Start small.

• If at work you receive an email 5 minutes before leaving its time to go home, leave it till the following day allowing you to finish your working day on time
• Make a commitment to have a lunch break every day

Step 3 : Practice
It may feel strange, to begin with, remember we don't have endless amounts of energy, we are human and will feel tired, don't let keeping others happy mean they take away yours.

As always we are all individual, and what works for one person may not work for another. Please feel free to take what you need, adapting it to suit you and your needs.


Still have questions or want to discuss this further
​

I wrote a Facebook and Instagram post only a few days ago, about how the level of stress we can handle feels much less than usual for us right now. When we are stressed, it can affect our ability to think rationally and to regulate our emotions, meaning the way we respond to situations is more chaotic or rigid than usual.

It is often the anxiety within us that responds first to stressful situations. 
It is the body's alarm and survival mechanism. Our body's way of attempting to protect us and response to danger. This happens whether the danger is real, or whether we believe the danger is there when there is none. ( I like to think of it as a button that is pushed when we are in danger that sometimes gets pushed at the wrong times or becomes a little stuck)

It's safe to say the Coronavirus has brought for many of us, massive amounts of anxiety, uncertainty and fear 

Before we know it we can find ourselves caught up in what if statements where our perceptions of situations and circumstances become skewed, developing patterns of thinking that are irrational, they are so subtle that it can be difficult to recognise them.

Some of the most common ones are:

• Catastrophizing / magnifying or minimising where we are expecting the worst-case scenarios, magnifying the negatives and minimising the positives that are present  
• Jumping to conclusions, asking what if this happens, what if that happens, being convinced of something with little or no evidence to support it

The more we can recognise that our thoughts aren’t always helpful, that thoughts are not fact and are often driven by our emotions and the way we feel.

I know more about stress and how this can influence my feelings and behaviour now what do I do?

Breathe 

When we are anxious we breathe shorter, shallower breaths so this it a way of calming giving our body the oxygen it needs 

Step 1: Place your hand on your tummy and breathe in slowly through your nose to fill your lungs with air. Imagining there is a balloon inside your tummy. Every time you breathe in, the balloon inflates. Notice the sensations in your tummy, your tummy rising with the in-breath.

Step 2: Now open your mouth and slowly blow all of the air back out of your lungs, when you breathe out the balloon deflates. Allow your tummy to sink. Notice the sensations in your tummy as it falls with the out-breath

Remember that thoughts will come into your mind, and that’s okay. 

We have that covered too!

Simply notice those thoughts, you don't have to follow them, judge yourself for having them or analyse them. Let them drift away as you bring your attention back to your breathing.


Okay, but I wanted to be able to help myself how can I?

Try and create some certainty for yourself with a new temporary routine that will help to calm any anxious gremlins that are going around in our heads.

In the morning 

•  Get dressed (helps with identity, sense of confidence and purpose). There’s nothing at all wrong with a PJ day or wearing your comfy’s on a Sunday afternoon if that's what you look forward to, but wearing them every day instead of clothes can leave us feeling sluggish, set the tone for the day and sometimes affect our mood
• Consider your environment, opening blinds or curtains, making your bed, keeping your rooms tidy (it can offer a sense of achievement) You could add some low maintenance plants such as aloe and peace lily to your rooms, the greenery and bursts of colour can give us a focus

During the day 

• Go outdoors, do some "Green exercise" this is any activity outdoors that means you are enjoying nature, in the presence of trees, an open sky, water, a garden, or other natural scenery. It could be walking, running, biking, rollerblading, taking your dog out to the park or gardening (it helps to lift our mood)
• Stay connected - Social distancing doesn't mean emotional distancing We don't have to emotionally distance ourselves. We need to be connecting with others. it is important we support, reassure and check in with each other. This might be through Facetime, a text message, telephone call or maybe a family quiz that you have organise to take place weekly
• Keep busy, plan one or two things to do during the day, this is likely to give your day some structure help you to feel a sense of control (it lowers stress levels, releases energy and helps with sleep
• Try to limit your time on social media. Use NHS and other government websites if you need to find out information. You can also turn off automatic news updates

In the evening 

• Create a 'Back at home' routine. If you are working from home at the moment, try to separate work from home. This might be through putting work-related items away, changing into more comfortable clothes or listening to your favourite playlist or audiobook.
• Plan some you time, some time to wind down and relax.
• Have a bedtime routine, so that your brain and body recognise and prepare for bed. 

We are all individual, and what works for one person may not work for another. Please feel free to take what you need, adapting it to suit you and your needs.

If you are accessing support through therapy/ counselling ask if your session can take place online or over the phone.  If you would like to discuss this further or anything covered in this blog

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