Have you ever felt like you can't make a decision without checking with everyone else first? Like there's this constant need for validation buzzing in the background of your mind? You're not alone. For many of us, seeking approval from others can feel like an addiction—one we've carried for so long that we've forgotten what it feels like to simply trust ourselves.

Approval addiction sounds scary. It's that uncomfortable feeling when someone doesn't respond to your text right away, or the way your stomach drops when you sense disapproval. You might find yourself constantly scanning faces for reactions, adjusting your words mid-sentence, or feeling physically uncomfortable when you can't read someone's mood.

The truth is, some of us have never known life without constantly considering what others think. It becomes so automatic that we lose touch with our own inner compass entirely. Learn more about self esteem and why it matters.

Here's something powerful: your body is constantly giving you information. That gut feeling when something doesn't feel right? That's not always anxiety talking— It could be internal wisdom trying to guide you. Your stomach, your chest, your shoulders—they all hold messages about whether something feels okay or not.

Learning to trust these physical sensations again is like reconnecting with an old friend. Its about being able to work out if it is keeping you 'small' or being supportive. Your body knows when you're abandoning yourself to please others. It knows when you're saying yes but mean no. The question is: are you listening?

Give me a follow on social media - to see tips on how to do this in small ways

One of the most beautiful things about therapy is those sudden moments of clarity—the lightbulb moments where stuff starts to 'click'. You realise you don't have to abandon yourself to be loved. You discover that you can live your life without needing everyone's stamp of approval.
These realizations can be both liberating and totally shit scary. Liberation because suddenly you see that things can change; Terrifying because now you might do things differently.

Many of the stories running in our heads are outdated. They're like old software that once served a purpose but now just slows everything down. "I must be perfect to be loved." "If someone disapproves of me, I'm in danger." "My needs don't matter as much as others'."
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These beliefs made sense once—maybe they protected you as a child or helped you navigate difficult relationships. But now? They might be keeping you small and disconnected from your authentic self.

Therapy creates a safe space to understand these patterns without judgment. It's where you can:

• Recognise when you're abandoning yourself for others' comfort
• Learn to distinguish between your voice and the voices of others in your head
• Practice trusting your gut feelings and internal wisdom
• Rewrite the stories that no longer serve you
• Develop the courage to disappoint others when necessary

The goal isn't to stop caring about others—it's to care about yourself too. It's learning that you can be considerate without losing yourself in the process.

Get in touch for your free 20 minute introductory call to see how I can help you

Breaking free from approval addiction isn't about becoming selfish or uncaring. It's about remembering that your own approval of yourself matters most. It's about trusting that you can handle disapproval from others and that it doesn't define your worth.
You deserve to live a life that feels authentic to you, even if not everyone understands or approves. Your gut feelings are valid. Your needs matter. And you don't need permission from anyone else to honor them.
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Remember: This journey takes time and compassion. Be patient with yourself as you learn to trust your own voice again.

Just be more confident!"
How  many times have you heard that advice? Whether it was before a job interview, asking someone out, or standing up to that colleague who keeps taking credit for your work. And how many times did you think, "Great, thanks. Why didn't I think of that?" while internally screaming because if you could just be confident, don't you think you would be already?

Here's what nobody tells you: confidence isn't a switch you flip. It's something you build, brick by brick, through understanding how you got here and what actually works. Whether you're struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, or feeling like you're not enough, 

I used to think confident people were just born different. Like they had something special going on for them to have their say in meetings, negotiate their salary, or walk into rooms like they owned them. If you're living with social anxiety, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, you've probably wondered the same thing. Turns out, that's not how it works.
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Real confidence isn't about convincing everyone else you're capable—it's about knowing you can handle whatever comes your way. And that knowing? It comes from evidence, not affirmations. This is so importance if you are questioning your worth.

Here's something that changed everything for me: every interaction is a teaching moment. When your boss dumps last-minute work on you and you say "no problem!" while dying inside, you're teaching them that your time isn't valuable. When you laugh along with jokes that make you uncomfortable, you're teaching people that disrespecting you is fine.

This isn't your fault. Most of us learned these patterns young. But recognizing this is powerful because it means you can start teaching different lessons. (Learn more about setting healthy boundaries)

Playing small feels safe, but it's actually suffocating. You know that voice that says "Who am I to speak up?" or "I should wait until I'm more qualified"?
That voice isn't protecting you—it's keeping you trapped. I see this with clients all the time: brilliant people who apologize for taking up space, who have amazing ideas they never share.

Here's the truth: you don't feel ready because you haven't given yourself the chance to prove you can handle it.

The real work isn't about becoming someone new—it's about unlearning old patterns that aren't serving you. This is where therapy becomes incredibly valuable for building genuine self-esteem and addressing anxiety. I blend different types of therapy to suit you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy tools can be a game changer, and personal development work can help you understand and change these patterns.

If you're tired of waiting for confidence to magically appear, start where you are. Pick one small area where you've been playing small and take one tiny action today. Maybe it's speaking up in that meeting. Maybe it's saying no to something you don't want to do.

You don't need to feel ready to begin. You just need to begin to start feeling ready.
Ready to take the next step? If you're tired of confidence tips that don't work, create change that lasts.

Just like that, in the blink of an eye, it's gone from time to twos to time for school.

Change is like an old friend who comes to visit, sometimes unexpectedly at other times supposedly more invited. like the inevitable transition to a new school year, can stir up emotions.

For the adventure-seekers among us, the arrival of change is like the thrill of a rollercoaster ride, exciting. Yet, others might prefer the comfort of their well-worn routines, finding a sense of safety in the predictable.

Let's wrap ourselves up in kindness and extend the same to others during these times.

It's perfectly alright to take a deep breath and admit that feeling a little jittery is part of the process. After all, this learning journey, whether it's the first step or a leap into a higher grade, is a significant milestone for kids, big and small.

You've likely had endless conversations about what to expect, and much will seem familiar. But, remember, each journey is as unique as the individual undertaking it. Children may react differently - emotionally, developmentally, socially - and that's not just okay, it's expected.

We've got this and the 4 C's are a game changer.

Get Chatting 
Let's dive into the world of emotions! By sparking open and cosy talks about their feelings, you'll crack the code to their worries. Kids may sense something's off, like having trouble sleeping, but lack the words to spill the tea. That's where you swoop in!

Time to Chill 
Time is gold! Not just for prepping for unexpected changes but also for unwinding after school. Providing a helping hand and guiding kids to live in the moment can work wonders. Be there to suggest a fun activity based on their day, without overwhelming them as soon as they step through the door.

Be a Cheerleader 
Isn't it a fact that we all crave our own cheer squad? Giving kids a high-five for their wins isn't just sweet, it's super important - it pumps them up and pushes them ahead. So, when was the last time you hit the brakes to appreciate not just the finish line, but the wild journey they've tackled to reach it?

Catch them 
Catch those rollercoaster emotions! Emotions can be a wild ride, right? We've all been there, feeling like we're lost in an emotional maze. So, isn't it our superhero duty to be the cosy blanket for these emotions when they go haywire? To remind them that, like a storm, this chaos will blow over. Isn't that the heart of it all?

I know there's truth in these steps because of the work I do with my children and young people. In sessions, we often have a game of Jenga to help us on our way. 
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If you would like to know more about therapy with me, please do reach out 

Check out my Children and Young People page 

We all have those days when the world feels like a whirlwind.

When our minds are spinning and we'd do anything for a moment of peace. The last thing on your list is probably tidying up the house. It might even feel like an exercise in futility - after all, the mess always seems to find its way back, doesn't it? Just when you've finally got everything in its place, the shoes scatter themselves across the floor, as if they're allergic to the shoe cupboard. On days like these, it's not easy to muster up the energy, and it's only natural to want to conserve what little you have.

Ever found yourself creating a list of reasons why not to tackle a daunting task, all while feeling drained and out of sync? When our mojo seems to have packed its bags and left, reeling it back in can feel like an uphill battle. It's easy to dwell on the mountain of reasons not to start, but have you ever stopped to ponder how accomplished you'd feel once it's done? I hear you, and that's where the beauty of the "10-minute rule" comes into play. It's a simple pact you make with yourself to stick it out for just 10 minutes. Funny enough, you often find that the task at hand isn't half as monstrous as it initially seemed.
You know those days when you're all geared up for a solid workout, but the thought of idle chit-chat has you second guessing? Isn't it a challenge when you're raring to break a sweat but the thought of exchanging weekend stories feels like lifting a weight too heavy? So, how do you balance the love for the burn with the struggle of chatter? Isn't it intriguing how we can pair something we're excited about with something that seems like a hurdle? 

Could you pop your earphones, get yourself going. The power of pairing. Have you ever felt like you don't recognize yourself when you enter and leave the gym?. Like you're ready to conquer the world after hitting a personal best on the treadmill? Suddenly, you're game for that chat you've been dreading. Funny how that works, isn't it? It's like we tap into this hidden pool of resources we didn't know we had. But isn't it fascinating how we only find it after we've pushed ourselves?

Are you almost sitting perched on the edge of a task, feeling as if it’s a mountain too steep to climb at this very moment? Think you might just give it a miss? Why not try this instead: pull up a chair, pour a cup of tea, and have a heart-to-heart with a friend. This friend could be real, or it could be that supportive voice in your own head. Have a chat about the task - what's stopping you? Is there a way to make it more manageable? Perhaps the final outcome isn't quite what you had in your mind’s eye, and that's absolutely fine. It's not a failure, just a different result.

The 10 minute rule, the power of pairing and pulling up a chair are my top tips for working towards becoming more motivated.

​ We can work together to make motivation feel manageable on your low days.

Sound familiar?

That family gathering where the usual rivalry between cousins starts to sizzle, everyone vying for the 'golden child' label. It's all part of the show, harmless family fun, with hopefully no hard feelings.
So what makes someone the 'favourite'?

Perhaps you've been in the limelight, admired for your knack for fixing things or your meticulous attention to detail. But have you ever paused to consider why you've become the family's handyman? Is it your relentless quest for flawlessness, your insistence on everything being just so?

Celebrations, they're typically a reward for a job well done. But have you ever really wanted a breather from being the first one everyone turns to? Maybe today, you're not in the mood to be the problem-solver?

Do you find yourself holding back?

It might have something to do with expectations others have formed about you. Have you taken risks in the past only to be criticized, so now you're hesitant to put yourself out there?

Ever think about why you do the things you do? Let's dive in together, and peel back the layers. It's like an expedition into ourselves, sifting through years of habits and patterns. Wondering who spoon-fed them to us? And what's the toll they've taken on us? Let these questions simmer in your mind, see what bubbles up. Remember that knowledge is power, especially when it's knowledge about ourselves.
Perfectionism can mean that the good stuff is kept at a distance. It can feel exhausting hiding under a mask. A mask that never really fit. 

It's a strange sort of addiction, isn't it? Craving validation, constantly seeking approval. There's so much about us that others don't see. Those hidden aspects might just a great fit for that job we've been eyeing up. We claim that our need for perfection stems from the expectations of our spouse, friend, family, or boss. But truth be told, it's us. We're the ones who continually raise the bar, piling on the pressure.

I can help you start to let go of your mask of perfection.  It is a mask I wore for many years, I feel so much freer without it.

We'd never intentionally hinder our progress, would we? If we want something, we'd naturally gravitate towards making it a reality, right?

Surprisingly enough, us humans are quite the social creatures (granted, some days more than others). Who doesn't crave a sense of connection? It could be as simple as a shared chuckle with a barista amidst the coffee shop, maybe it's something more profound, a deeper connection. We all crave that, don't we? The sense of being valued, cherished, sharing an unbreakable bond with someone that matters.

Yet, for some of us, navigating the waters of deep connection can feel like sailing through a storm. I have worked with many clients who have struggled with this, and I can help you. There are many reasons we can feel stuck.

 Is it fear anchoring us down? Or maybe it's the shadow of past experiences. Isn't it odd how we manage to be our own worst enemies, slamming the brakes on our own progress – whether it's in relationships, personal well-being, or the pursuit of our dreams?

It's not as if we intentionally build these walls, deliberately undermining our chances of forging meaningful connections. It's more about a lack of self-confidence, a distrust of ourselves and others, a fear of being hurt if we let someone get too close. If people have come and gone throughout our lives, the thought of getting close to someone else can be downright terrifying.



After all, we're stuck with ourselves for the long haul (a rather unsettling thought, isn't it?). It's only natural that we'd want to protect ourselves. If life's thrown us a few curveballs, the last thing we want is a repeat performance.

So how can we break out of this self-defeating cycle?

Start by getting to know yourself better.
Recognize the signs of self-sabotage. Maybe you always find yourself saying no to invites out and favour a cup of tea on the sofa.
Ask yourself, "I want to achieve (...), but I always seem to do (...)." Many of our self-sabotaging behaviours may not even be noticeable at first. They're often rooted in anxiety.

Does your inner critic come out to play, listing all the reasons you shouldn't even try?

Next, talk about it.
Self-sabotage can be a source of embarrassment, a spotlight on our insecurities. Who wants to draw attention to their weaknesses? But finding the courage to voice our fears can make them seem less intimidating. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might even find a friend willing to lend a hand. You could even make a bit of a plan together and think of things to help.

Ever thought about the folks that colour our lives?

Who are they and what makes them tick? Let's embark on a journey of self-discovery, peeling back the layers of those we share our world with. There are different types of people 

Isn't life just a maze of connections, each thread representing our bonds and relationships? It's like an intricate spider web, each strand as unique as the person it's attached to.
And isn't nature the best teacher we could ask for? It's as if the wilderness speaks in metaphors, helping us untangle the complex knots of life. Don't you think?

I understand how challenging it can be to navigate through difficult times and understand the people in your life. I'm here to support you and provide guidance to help you through the storms.



First, we have the 'root people'. They are our foundations our anchor. Like age-old oak trees weathering storms, their roots entwined deep within, offering stability. These are the ones we find solace in, our safe havens, our homes. Despite life's ebb and flow, we can always return to them, our roots intertwine again, and all is calm.

Yet, relying on their reliability can sometimes be challenging., especially when life has taught you to question the very ground you tread on. The idea of 'root people', always there, always solid, is a concept that stirs a whirlwind of hope and doubt within me. Their unwavering strength, their trustworthiness, it's comforting. A tangible reassurance in an otherwise unpredictable world, a place of peace in the chaos of life.

Then, we have the 'branch people'.
The dance of trust with them is a delicate one, a balancing act. The term "branch people test the weight" captures the vulnerability associated with giving trust. Will they hold us up, or will we plummet into a freefall of disappointment? This constant questioning, this dance with doubt, is a mental performance many of us are all too familiar with.

Finally, the 'leaf people'.
Their fleeting presence in our lives mirrors the transient beauty of autumn leaves. They breeze in, their vibrancy refreshing our world before the winds of change sweep them away. This comparison aids in understanding our relationships, although it may be a difficult concept for those who seek stability in their human connections.

Ever wondered why we're born into a world brimming with other people if we were meant to stand alone? It's a tough pill to swallow when we realize that not every relationship is built to last. It's like watching the leaves change in the fall, knowing they'll soon be gone. This realization can stir up a storm of feelings, don't you think?

You know how life rarely hands out guarantees, right? It's like coming across folks who are like leaves on a tree. They're here today, gone tomorrow, reminding us that nothing lasts forever and prompting us to savour those fleeting moments of connection. Isn't it all about evolving from every interaction, embracing change, and seeing the beauty in it?
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Still, don't we all sometimes wish for more 'root people', the ones who are always there, come rain or shine? 

If you want to understand yourself some more and your relationships. I'd love to hear from you.

Ever noticed how children, in their innocence, unknowingly mimic the people in their lives, like they're playing a game they don't quite understand?

They're like little sponges, unwittingly absorbing everything in their environment. These tender minds are so easily swayed, that they almost involuntarily turn into miniature replicas of their idols. When those we look up to are there to catch us when we fall, it empowers us to step out of our comfort zone. Their support is our safety net, allowing us to grow and evolve, knowing that they've got our back. Sadly this isn't always the way it goes. Mishaps are a part of life, and they can be managed, right? It's only fair to acknowledge our emotions, however they manifest. And it's crucial to feel secure, whatever happens.

As a grown-up, you might get excited about tackling that escape room you've always been intrigued by. You see, what if your knack for solving puzzles is as unsteady as your hands Sure, people chuckle along with you, but as the laughter fades, you can't help but wonder what they're really thinking. 
Ever feel like you're more of a laid-back, chat-with-the-buddies type? Want to try cocktail making, but every time you go to give it a whirl, there's this nagging voice in your head saying, "You're better at sipping them than stirring them"?.

The echoes of our childhood can still play a tune in our adult life, right? It's like the kid in us is still calling the shots. If that's the case, I can help. I've got some experience in this, you know.

I remember growing up, I was never the most coordinated. I'd frequently drop things, but instead of ridicule or frustration, I was met with understanding and patience for my battles with fine motor skills. I remember the phrase "Go ahead and try, even if you make a mess, it can be cleaned ". That sentiment has stuck with me. I've always been my own worst critic, especially when it comes to the extra work, even if it's something I enjoy. Somehow, it just gets under my skin, and I end up being too rough on myself. I guess I was fortunate. Not everyone gets the same treatment. If I had been insulted or told I was worthless every time I spilled water making a cup of tea, I'd probably be more hesitant to take risks or try again. When we are growing up it is the remnants of our experiences linger, and we unknowingly lug these impressions into our grown-up lives. 

I want to help you by:

1) Creating a safe space - A space to understand your messages and where they come from

2) Supporting you to trust yourself - Changing this outdated tune and replacing it with a motivator to help get you going and becoming more of an emotion coach.
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3) Having more encouraging conversations with your inner child - Asking if I was a child now, what would I need to hear or be offered 

Navigating the therapist hunt can feel like a labyrinth, much like the quest for a life partner. How do we determine if someone is the right fit?

1. Finding the right fit

Therapists often list their services on a directory. Here, you can input specifics about your location, your struggles, and the type of therapy you're looking for. After that, it's up to the magic of the internet to find us potential matches.

But don't be fooled by the plethora of choices. You'll be presented with pictures, descriptions of who they are and how they can help. Suddenly, you're faced with pages of smiling strangers. You try to get a read on them, to see if they might understand you and help you effect the change you seek. Does this sound like a dating app yet? There's no swiping left or right here, though. What parameters help you narrow down your choices? A welcoming face, their fee, or perhaps that they seem to 'speak your language' – using words you do, addressing fears and concerns that mirror your own?

2. Fact-checking
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It's crucial to be as informed and as safe as possible when seeking a therapist, just like when going on a date. Luckily, this information should be easier to access with a therapist.

Have you done your homework?

Ensure any therapists or counsellors you're considering are Registered members of a governing body.
What about their qualifications and training?
In the UK, a counsellor should have at least a degree or, at minimum, a level 4 diploma.

3. The Next Step
You've perused their profile, seen their friendly faces and got an inkling of their therapeutic style. But until you're in the thick of it, till you've dipped your toe into the therapeutic waters and attempted to forge a connection, can you really tell how it's going to be? What if you just don't feel comfortable? They might be a really lovely person, but you feel they just don't understand you. I told you it was like dating – it's got to be the right fit. You need to feel safe enough to share.

I can certainly help with the therapy side of things!

I'm more than happy to set aside 20 minutes for a no-charge introductory call. This will let us see if we've got a connection and allow you to understand how I work. It could be a good match, we've all got to start somewhere, right?

Have you caught the most recent match yet?
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With the onset of football season, our screens are covered with constant reminders of the big game and the excitement of the upcoming matches. We can all too quickly become trapped in the high stakes, the adrenaline rush, the collective delight or sorrow.
However, there lurks a darker undercurrent beneath this high-spirited unity. A grim shadow cast by the football fever that we tend to overlook.

It's a nerve-racking truth that football and domestic violence are alarmingly interconnected. It's unsettling to think that the outcome of the English national team's matches has a direct impact on the frequency of reported domestic abuse incidents. A win or draw leads to a 26% increase in cases, while a loss triggers an even more troubling 38% surge.
It's not the football that's the problem. We all want to live in a world where successes are shared, but it doesn't always work out that way. It's more about the match day atmosphere - the drinking, the emotional rollercoaster, the helplessness when things don't go the way we hoped. That's where the danger lies.

Charities are hustling, scrambling to turn the floor lights on a hidden issue, one that intensifies in the shadow of big sports events. Women's Aid's campaign, 'No More Years of Hurt', steps forward with a quiet determination, aiming to highlight the silent battles fought behind closed doors. They're banking on the power of well-known football slogans to trigger a much-needed dialogue.
If you are someone who experiences the ugly side of a football game.

There are people to help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline  on 0808 2000 247 for free confidential information and support

Black Country Women's Aid on 0121 553 0090 (Monday to Friday 9 am to 5pm) Outside office hours 
0121 552 6448.  Working alongside Ask Marc on 0121 289 6402 supporting men.

Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm), or visit the webchat at Men's Advice Line (Wednesday 10 am to 11.30am and 2.30 pm to 4pm)


ManKind on 0808 800 1170 (Monday to Friday 10am t0 4pm) or on the helpline  01823 334 244 
LGBT+ contact  Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support

Children and Young People call NSPCC  on  0800 11 11 

Worried about someone seeing you've been here click  Cover Your Tracks
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If you are in need of support. I am here for you.