We'd never intentionally hinder our progress, would we? If we want something, we'd naturally gravitate towards making it a reality, right?
Surprisingly enough, us humans are quite the social creatures (granted, some days more than others). Who doesn't crave a sense of connection? It could be as simple as a shared chuckle with a barista amidst the coffee shop, maybe it's something more profound, a deeper connection. We all crave that, don't we? The sense of being valued, cherished, sharing an unbreakable bond with someone that matters. Yet, for some of us, navigating the waters of deep connection can feel like sailing through a storm. I have worked with many clients who have struggled with this, and I can help you. There are many reasons we can feel stuck. Is it fear anchoring us down? Or maybe it's the shadow of past experiences. Isn't it odd how we manage to be our own worst enemies, slamming the brakes on our own progress – whether it's in relationships, personal well-being, or the pursuit of our dreams? It's not as if we intentionally build these walls, deliberately undermining our chances of forging meaningful connections. It's more about a lack of self-confidence, a distrust of ourselves and others, a fear of being hurt if we let someone get too close. If people have come and gone throughout our lives, the thought of getting close to someone else can be downright terrifying. After all, we're stuck with ourselves for the long haul (a rather unsettling thought, isn't it?). It's only natural that we'd want to protect ourselves. If life's thrown us a few curveballs, the last thing we want is a repeat performance. So how can we break out of this self-defeating cycle? Start by getting to know yourself better. Recognize the signs of self-sabotage. Maybe you always find yourself saying no to invites out and favour a cup of tea on the sofa. Ask yourself, "I want to achieve (...), but I always seem to do (...)." Many of our self-sabotaging behaviours may not even be noticeable at first. They're often rooted in anxiety. Does your inner critic come out to play, listing all the reasons you shouldn't even try? Next, talk about it. Self-sabotage can be a source of embarrassment, a spotlight on our insecurities. Who wants to draw attention to their weaknesses? But finding the courage to voice our fears can make them seem less intimidating. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might even find a friend willing to lend a hand. You could even make a bit of a plan together and think of things to help. Ever thought about the folks that colour our lives? Who are they and what makes them tick? Let's embark on a journey of self-discovery, peeling back the layers of those we share our world with. There are different types of people Isn't life just a maze of connections, each thread representing our bonds and relationships? It's like an intricate spider web, each strand as unique as the person it's attached to. And isn't nature the best teacher we could ask for? It's as if the wilderness speaks in metaphors, helping us untangle the complex knots of life. Don't you think? I understand how challenging it can be to navigate through difficult times and understand the people in your life. I'm here to support you and provide guidance to help you through the storms. First, we have the 'root people'. They are our foundations our anchor. Like age-old oak trees weathering storms, their roots entwined deep within, offering stability. These are the ones we find solace in, our safe havens, our homes. Despite life's ebb and flow, we can always return to them, our roots intertwine again, and all is calm. Yet, relying on their reliability can sometimes be challenging., especially when life has taught you to question the very ground you tread on. The idea of 'root people', always there, always solid, is a concept that stirs a whirlwind of hope and doubt within me. Their unwavering strength, their trustworthiness, it's comforting. A tangible reassurance in an otherwise unpredictable world, a place of peace in the chaos of life. Then, we have the 'branch people'. The dance of trust with them is a delicate one, a balancing act. The term "branch people test the weight" captures the vulnerability associated with giving trust. Will they hold us up, or will we plummet into a freefall of disappointment? This constant questioning, this dance with doubt, is a mental performance many of us are all too familiar with. Finally, the 'leaf people'. Their fleeting presence in our lives mirrors the transient beauty of autumn leaves. They breeze in, their vibrancy refreshing our world before the winds of change sweep them away. This comparison aids in understanding our relationships, although it may be a difficult concept for those who seek stability in their human connections. Ever wondered why we're born into a world brimming with other people if we were meant to stand alone? It's a tough pill to swallow when we realize that not every relationship is built to last. It's like watching the leaves change in the fall, knowing they'll soon be gone. This realization can stir up a storm of feelings, don't you think? You know how life rarely hands out guarantees, right? It's like coming across folks who are like leaves on a tree. They're here today, gone tomorrow, reminding us that nothing lasts forever and prompting us to savour those fleeting moments of connection. Isn't it all about evolving from every interaction, embracing change, and seeing the beauty in it? Still, don't we all sometimes wish for more 'root people', the ones who are always there, come rain or shine? If you want to understand yourself some more and your relationships. I'd love to hear from you. The Echoes of Childhood: A Journey Through the Maze of Early Impressions and Their Lasting Impact10/7/2024
Ever noticed how children, in their innocence, unknowingly mimic the people in their lives, like they're playing a game they don't quite understand? They're like little sponges, unwittingly absorbing everything in their environment. These tender minds are so easily swayed, that they almost involuntarily turn into miniature replicas of their idols. When those we look up to are there to catch us when we fall, it empowers us to step out of our comfort zone. Their support is our safety net, allowing us to grow and evolve, knowing that they've got our back. Sadly this isn't always the way it goes. Mishaps are a part of life, and they can be managed, right? It's only fair to acknowledge our emotions, however they manifest. And it's crucial to feel secure, whatever happens. As a grown-up, you might get excited about tackling that escape room you've always been intrigued by. You see, what if your knack for solving puzzles is as unsteady as your hands Sure, people chuckle along with you, but as the laughter fades, you can't help but wonder what they're really thinking. Ever feel like you're more of a laid-back, chat-with-the-buddies type? Want to try cocktail making, but every time you go to give it a whirl, there's this nagging voice in your head saying, "You're better at sipping them than stirring them"?. The echoes of our childhood can still play a tune in our adult life, right? It's like the kid in us is still calling the shots. If that's the case, I can help. I've got some experience in this, you know. I remember growing up, I was never the most coordinated. I'd frequently drop things, but instead of ridicule or frustration, I was met with understanding and patience for my battles with fine motor skills. I remember the phrase "Go ahead and try, even if you make a mess, it can be cleaned ". That sentiment has stuck with me. I've always been my own worst critic, especially when it comes to the extra work, even if it's something I enjoy. Somehow, it just gets under my skin, and I end up being too rough on myself. I guess I was fortunate. Not everyone gets the same treatment. If I had been insulted or told I was worthless every time I spilled water making a cup of tea, I'd probably be more hesitant to take risks or try again. When we are growing up it is the remnants of our experiences linger, and we unknowingly lug these impressions into our grown-up lives. I want to help you by: 1) Creating a safe space - A space to understand your messages and where they come from 2) Supporting you to trust yourself - Changing this outdated tune and replacing it with a motivator to help get you going and becoming more of an emotion coach. 3) Having more encouraging conversations with your inner child - Asking if I was a child now, what would I need to hear or be offered Navigating the therapist hunt can feel like a labyrinth, much like the quest for a life partner. How do we determine if someone is the right fit?
1. Finding the right fit Therapists often list their services on a directory. Here, you can input specifics about your location, your struggles, and the type of therapy you're looking for. After that, it's up to the magic of the internet to find us potential matches. But don't be fooled by the plethora of choices. You'll be presented with pictures, descriptions of who they are and how they can help. Suddenly, you're faced with pages of smiling strangers. You try to get a read on them, to see if they might understand you and help you effect the change you seek. Does this sound like a dating app yet? There's no swiping left or right here, though. What parameters help you narrow down your choices? A welcoming face, their fee, or perhaps that they seem to 'speak your language' – using words you do, addressing fears and concerns that mirror your own? 2. Fact-checking It's crucial to be as informed and as safe as possible when seeking a therapist, just like when going on a date. Luckily, this information should be easier to access with a therapist. Have you done your homework? Ensure any therapists or counsellors you're considering are Registered members of a governing body. What about their qualifications and training? In the UK, a counsellor should have at least a degree or, at minimum, a level 4 diploma. 3. The Next Step You've perused their profile, seen their friendly faces and got an inkling of their therapeutic style. But until you're in the thick of it, till you've dipped your toe into the therapeutic waters and attempted to forge a connection, can you really tell how it's going to be? What if you just don't feel comfortable? They might be a really lovely person, but you feel they just don't understand you. I told you it was like dating – it's got to be the right fit. You need to feel safe enough to share. I can certainly help with the therapy side of things! I'm more than happy to set aside 20 minutes for a no-charge introductory call. This will let us see if we've got a connection and allow you to understand how I work. It could be a good match, we've all got to start somewhere, right? Have you caught the most recent match yet? With the onset of football season, our screens are covered with constant reminders of the big game and the excitement of the upcoming matches. We can all too quickly become trapped in the high stakes, the adrenaline rush, the collective delight or sorrow. However, there lurks a darker undercurrent beneath this high-spirited unity. A grim shadow cast by the football fever that we tend to overlook. It's a nerve-racking truth that football and domestic violence are alarmingly interconnected. It's unsettling to think that the outcome of the English national team's matches has a direct impact on the frequency of reported domestic abuse incidents. A win or draw leads to a 26% increase in cases, while a loss triggers an even more troubling 38% surge. It's not the football that's the problem. We all want to live in a world where successes are shared, but it doesn't always work out that way. It's more about the match day atmosphere - the drinking, the emotional rollercoaster, the helplessness when things don't go the way we hoped. That's where the danger lies. Charities are hustling, scrambling to turn the floor lights on a hidden issue, one that intensifies in the shadow of big sports events. Women's Aid's campaign, 'No More Years of Hurt', steps forward with a quiet determination, aiming to highlight the silent battles fought behind closed doors. They're banking on the power of well-known football slogans to trigger a much-needed dialogue. If you are someone who experiences the ugly side of a football game. There are people to help: National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 for free confidential information and support Black Country Women's Aid on 0121 553 0090 (Monday to Friday 9 am to 5pm) Outside office hours 0121 552 6448. Working alongside Ask Marc on 0121 289 6402 supporting men. Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm), or visit the webchat at Men's Advice Line (Wednesday 10 am to 11.30am and 2.30 pm to 4pm) ManKind on 0808 800 1170 (Monday to Friday 10am t0 4pm) or on the helpline 01823 334 244 LGBT+ contact Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support Children and Young People call NSPCC on 0800 11 11 Worried about someone seeing you've been here click Cover Your Tracks If you are in need of support. I am here for you. How often does the question "How are you?" get met with a response of "I'm fine" from you? It's the customary response, right? Why wouldn't we believe someone when they say they're doing okay? We take the words at face value, not questioning their validity.
Yet, we're all aware that the words we voice don't always reflect our inner emotions. At times, we may be too hasty to offer a response without truly connecting with our emotional state - or as a therapist would put it, "feeling our feelings". It's wild to think that it's been years since I first became a therapist in 2019. The time just seems to fly be. I recall seeing a post about FINE being an acronym for 'Feelings Inside Not Expressed', and it's a concept that's stayed with me. I heard something similar, where an artist spoke about F is for feeling overwhelmed, I is for I'm not ok, N is for not sleeping. E is for every night. We, as a society, often misinterpret vulnerability as a sign of frailty—it's not something we're typically at ease with. I fully understand this situation. Like numerous clients, I've endured that sinking feeling in my stomach, my heartbeat echoing in my ears. In therapy by creating a safe harbour, a sanctuary where emotions aren't judged but embraced. It's pretty clear It's not that we don't recognize our worries, it's that we're terrified of the fallout that might come from revealing our experiencing to those in our circle. Sharing your feelings can be a daunting task, especially when you're grappling with self-doubt and anxiety. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to navigate these conversations that can help you feel heard and understood. Here are some tips that might make the process a bit easier for you. First, try to identify what exactly you're feeling. This might seem obvious, but emotions can be complex and layered. It might help to write down your thoughts beforehand, or even practice saying them out loud to yourself. This can give you a clearer picture of what you want to convey and can reduce some of the anxiety about finding the right words in the moment. When it comes time to share, choose a listener you trust. This might be a friend, family member, or therapist who has shown themselves to be supportive and understanding in the past. Let them know that what you’re about to share is important to you and that you’re seeking their understanding and support. Setting the stage in this way can help create a safe space for your feelings. Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. It’s okay if it feels awkward or if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly. Sharing your feelings is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. Remember to be kind to yourself and acknowledge the courage it takes to open up. You’re making an important step towards better understanding and managing your emotions, and that’s something to be proud of. If you feel talking to a therapist is for you. I'm here for you. Have you ever found yourself lost in thought, wondering why your mind seems to be racing a mile a minute?
In our fast-paced world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed, yet we often forget to take a moment and check in with ourselves. Keeping a mental health journal can be a transformative practice, providing a space to unravel the knots of your thoughts and emotions. But what exactly does this entail, and how can it benefit you? Consider this: how often do you truly allow yourself to express your deepest thoughts, the ones that you believe if people knew they'd think you were crazy! A journal is a safe space where you can write away lay bare your anxieties, joys, fears, and dreams without the fear being misunderstood. By regularly jotting down your day-to-day experiences, you can begin to identify patterns in your emotions and those moments where your buttons are pressed. Have you noticed how certain situations always seem to tip you over the edge? Or perhaps there are recurring moments of joy that you might want to cherish more deliberately. Reflecting on these entries can offer profound insights into your mental state and help you navigate the ebbs and flows of life with greater ease. But let's get real—starting and maintaining a journal can feel daunting, especially if you're not sure where to begin. Why not start with a simple question: "How am I feeling today?" It's a straightforward prompt that can open the vessel for really connecting with where you are, maybe you could reflect on a specific event: "What happened today that made me feel particularly happy or anxious?" How does this have anything to do with self care Self care isn't just about understanding yourself better; it's also about nurturing your well-being. How often do you take time out to truly care for yourself? When you journal, you're not just documenting your life; you're actively engaging in a practice that promotes mental clarity, reduces stress, and supports emotional healing. It's like having a conversation with a wise friend who always has your best interests at heart but doesn't try to fix it So, why not give it a try? The next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, grab a notebook and start writing. You might just find that the answers you've been seeking have been within you all along. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to journal. It's all about finding what resonates with you and fits into your unique lifestyle. So, why not give it a try? What have you got to lose, and more importantly, what might you gain in this journey of self-discovery? If you feel you need help with getting started. Reach out to see how I can support you Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? It feels like there is some kind of plot where the odds are most certainly stacked against you.. No matter how hard you try, nothing goes your way. We've all been there, haven't we? But have you ever paused to think about what those difficult days actually teach us?
When life gives us lemons we need to get better at making lemonade. It's easy to get caught up in the frustration and disappointment. Yet, these challenging moments can have the most valuable lessons within them. How often do we truly appreciate our own strength until we're put to the test? Those days when we feel like throwing in the towel are the same days when we are pushed to the absolute limits. The evidence just how resilient we are and how much we can take despite feeling we are close to breaking point. Isn't it fascinating how struggles can uncover parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed? What's more, difficult days remind us of the importance of perspective. We all let the small inconveniences influence our mood even if just for a few minutes until we move on to the next thing? Yet, when we step back, we realize that these troubles are often temporary. Could it be that these rough patches help us cultivate gratitude for the growth? Failure. It's a word that can evoke an array of emotions—fear, disappointment, or even shame. It's often down to the way we view whatever we 'failed'. I try to see failure might to be a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block? What if, instead of seeing failure as the end of the road, we viewed it as a detour that offers valuable lessons along the way? This shift in perspective, often referred to as "reframing," can transform our understanding of these tough times on the journey we call life Think about the last time you believed you failed How did it make you feel? Did you find yourself questioning your abilities or even your worth? This is totally understandable and a natural response, because of all the effort we put in, but what if we asked ourselves different questions instead? What did this teach me about myself? What can I do differently next time? By reframing or changing the picture in the frame in this way, we can make sense of what happened and any changes to our approach. A change in mindset can turn a loss into a lesson? Of course, this isn't to say that reframing failure is easy nor that you will do this once and the disappointment is gone. It takes effort and practice to look beyond the immediate sting of disappointment and dig deeper into the experience. You've got this, if you need help working on your mindset. I'm here for you. The trust we have in ourselves is a journey that starts from within, don't you think?
Let's take a moment and recall the last pep talk you had with yourself. Was it filled with words that gave you hope, sparked encouragement, and ignited faith in your potential and the endless possibilities that lie ahead? It's a tough one for many of us to ponder, isn't it? So how do we navigate our dreams, our aspirations, our goals and the road that stretches out before us? When our minds are clouded with doubt, with a constant internal dialogue that's less of a cheerleader and more of a critic, even taking that first step can seem daunting. We've already painted a picture of the outcome, haven't we? Shouldn't we show ourselves the same kindness we extend to those we care about? Think about it. Have you ever given a friend that much-needed pep talk when they were sweating over an upcoming exam or a big presentation at work? They find solace and comfort in your words because they trust you. They believe in your faith in them. But would that trust remain if your words focused solely on their struggles? Probably not, right? Yet we find it hard to extend that same courtesy to ourselves, don't we? Sure, the relationship we have with ourselves might seem like it's just there, like we're stuck with it, There’s some truth in that I will be honest... So isn't it all the more reason to make this relationship one that's filled with compassion and motivation? The path towards self trust as with a lot of stuff is unique and will look different for each of us. We want this to form the foundations of achieving the goals you have. Feeling your feelings Ever caught yourself tangled up in the confusion of your own emotions? In our fast-paced reality, do we sometimes find solace in distraction when our feelings become a challenging maze to navigate? Be it mindless scrolling through social feeds, getting lost in video games, or finally buckling down on that lingering project - are these not our escape routes from the intimidating task of unpicking what is happening for us? Sounds familiar, doesn't it? While such diversions might offer temporary peace in our minds, they don't really give us the chance to sit with our emotions, understand them, or figure out our next move. If you're someone who finds comfort in conversation, like me, a chat over coffee with a friend could provide the much-needed outlet. Or if you're more of an introspective soul, jotting down your thoughts might offer a fresh perspective or insight. Change the station Ever tuned into your own internal radio station? You know, that one that seems to have a knack for playing the hits that really get under your skin? Sometimes it's like our minds have a default setting to the "inner critic" station, and boy, can that DJ be harsh. Ever heard those tracks? The ones that tell you you're not up to scratch, that success is a pipe dream, or that every step you take is a misstep? And despite the negativity, it's almost like there's a twisted sense of comfort in those familiar tunes, right? But what if we dared to change the station? What if we acknowledged these critical hits but learned to see them for what they really are - misguided attempts at keeping us safe? How would that change our dance through life? We want to play those hits that give us they've got this I can do this outlook, we can even thank the critical DJ for trying to help but let them know we have this in hand everything is sorted. Trusted sources We all have different people who we can count on for different things. Those who are careful with the words they choose are somewhat skilful in their approach, and those who are straight to the point without any sugar coating. That's the value of people. When we are thinking about taking steps to achieve our goals we need to go to the right people at the right time. If we are already losing faith and the DJ is playing a critical or outdated hit. We need to be able to trust in the person we go to, to support us getting on the path to success again If trusting yourself sounds like a more hopeful place to be. I can help you! Do you ever find yourself caught in the tangle of your own thoughts?
I have especially when it comes to understanding the connection between intention, mindset, and action. I know I have and It's something I often discuss with clients. The idea of only been in control of our words as they leave our mouths and being hopeful they are received in the we we hoped can feel pretty terrifying. I remember years ago feeling like I almost had to rehearse conversations before they happened as some kind of prep. I'm better at this now thankfully. We get into conversation and hopefully they flow easily, stress free. Many of them happen naturally and because they don't have any risk attached we are okay. But what about those connections where there is attraction, a job opportunity or situation where their is something likely to change. The crux of the dilemma, usually lies in the alignment – or often, the misalignment – between what we intend to do, the mindset we cultivate, and the actions we ultimately take. It's as though there's a constant battle raging within, where doubt and second-guessing muddle the waters. We might set out to put our best foot forward, that's our intention. If we hold the mindset of acceptance or rejection then there's a lot more at stake. There's probably going to be a lot more consideration around our spoken words and how we act because we want to get it right. At work, we might set out with the clear intention to be more assertive in personal and professional relationships, fuelled by a mindset that has self-confidence in the driving seat the value of our voice. But when the moment of action arrives, there's a hesitation, a voice that questions whether we are overstepping or misjudging the situation. When we start talking about intentions and their impact on our mindset and behaviour. The idea that our intentions set the stage for how we think and act is both empowering and scary. We can choose our direction, align our thoughts and actions as far as possible of course . But on the other hand, there’s this pressure that comes with it. What if my intentions are misguided? What if I set out with the best of intentions and still end up lost? I hear you and that could happen but what if it does It's a balancing act whilst there a chance something could be lost there’s equal changes of hope. We can always reassess and realign our intentions. Thankfully we don't have only one chance at this stuff. I've got the key... It isn’t to have perfect intentions from the start, it would be nice I know but to be willing to reflect, learn, and adjust as we go. It’s about embracing the journey, with all its uncertainties and opportunities for growth. After all, setting intentions is not a one-time act but an ongoing process. |
AuthorDemi Shakespeare
|