Help for Answering " How Are You?" Honestly

How often does the question "How are you?" get met with a response of "I'm fine" from you? It's the customary response, right?  Why wouldn't we believe someone when they say they're doing okay? We take the words at face value, not questioning their validity.

Yet, we're all aware that the words we voice don't always reflect our inner emotions. At times, we may be too hasty to offer a response without truly connecting with our emotional state - or as a therapist would put it, "feeling our feelings".

It's wild to think that it's been years since I first became a therapist in 2019. The time just seems to fly be. I recall seeing a post about FINE being an acronym for 'Feelings Inside Not Expressed', and it's a concept that's stayed with me. 

I heard something similar, where an artist spoke about F is for feeling overwhelmed, I is for I'm not ok, N is for not sleeping. E is for every night.

We, as a society, often misinterpret vulnerability as a sign of frailty—it's not something we're typically at ease with. I fully understand this situation. Like numerous clients, I've endured that sinking feeling in my stomach, my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

In therapy by creating a safe harbour, a sanctuary where emotions aren't judged but embraced. It's pretty clear It's not that we don't recognize our worries, it's that we're terrified of the fallout that might come from revealing our experiencing to those in our circle.

Sharing your feelings can be a daunting task, especially when you're grappling with self-doubt and anxiety. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to navigate these conversations that can help you feel heard and understood. Here are some tips that might make the process a bit easier for you.

First, try to identify what exactly you're feeling. This might seem obvious, but emotions can be complex and layered. It might help to write down your thoughts beforehand, or even practice saying them out loud to yourself. This can give you a clearer picture of what you want to convey and can reduce some of the anxiety about finding the right words in the moment.

When it comes time to share, choose a listener you trust. This might be a friend, family member, or therapist who has shown themselves to be supportive and understanding in the past. Let them know that what you’re about to share is important to you and that you’re seeking their understanding and support. Setting the stage in this way can help create a safe space for your feelings.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. It’s okay if it feels awkward or if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly. Sharing your feelings is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.

​Remember to be kind to yourself and acknowledge the courage it takes to open up. You’re making an important step towards better understanding and managing your emotions, and that’s something to be proud of.

​If you feel talking to a therapist is for you. I'm here for you. 

Get in touch!