Unraveling Self-Sabotage: Ever wondered why we get in our own way?

We'd never intentionally hinder our progress, would we? If we want something, we'd naturally gravitate towards making it a reality, right?

Surprisingly enough, us humans are quite the social creatures (granted, some days more than others). Who doesn't crave a sense of connection? It could be as simple as a shared chuckle with a barista amidst the coffee shop, maybe it's something more profound, a deeper connection. We all crave that, don't we? The sense of being valued, cherished, sharing an unbreakable bond with someone that matters.

Yet, for some of us, navigating the waters of deep connection can feel like sailing through a storm. I have worked with many clients who have struggled with this, and I can help you. There are many reasons we can feel stuck.

 Is it fear anchoring us down? Or maybe it's the shadow of past experiences. Isn't it odd how we manage to be our own worst enemies, slamming the brakes on our own progress – whether it's in relationships, personal well-being, or the pursuit of our dreams?

It's not as if we intentionally build these walls, deliberately undermining our chances of forging meaningful connections. It's more about a lack of self-confidence, a distrust of ourselves and others, a fear of being hurt if we let someone get too close. If people have come and gone throughout our lives, the thought of getting close to someone else can be downright terrifying.

After all, we're stuck with ourselves for the long haul (a rather unsettling thought, isn't it?). It's only natural that we'd want to protect ourselves. If life's thrown us a few curveballs, the last thing we want is a repeat performance.

So how can we break out of this self-defeating cycle?

Start by getting to know yourself better.
Recognize the signs of self-sabotage. Maybe you always find yourself saying no to invites out and favour a cup of tea on the sofa.
Ask yourself, "I want to achieve (...), but I always seem to do (...)." Many of our self-sabotaging behaviours may not even be noticeable at first. They're often rooted in anxiety.

Does your inner critic come out to play, listing all the reasons you shouldn't even try?

Next, talk about it.
Self-sabotage can be a source of embarrassment, a spotlight on our insecurities. Who wants to draw attention to their weaknesses? But finding the courage to voice our fears can make them seem less intimidating. As the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. You might even find a friend willing to lend a hand. You could even make a bit of a plan together and think of things to help.