Are you in your late 20's or even reached your 30's, do you ever feel like time is slipping away from you?

The pressure of age and the ticking of the social clock can be overwhelming at times. It's natural to want to keep up with expectations of society, but it's important to remember that everyone's journey is different. So take a deep breath, relax, and remember  you're on your own unique path.
If this is you, have you ever noticed the immense societal pressure that exists to follow a social clock? It appears to be constantly ticking and if you allow it, it's easy to become fixated on the opinions of others regarding where you should be and what you should be doing at your current age.
Feeling overwhelmed with the expectations of others can be disheartening. It can feel like a burden that's impossible to lift, like being submerged in a sea of obligations that aren't your own. Sometimes, it can be easy to lose sight of what you want and your dreams. This can make you feel insignificant and confused about your direction in life. It's important to remember who you are and stay true to yourself.

​The crazy bit...

The opinions of those closest to us often matter the most. It can be challenging to balance our own perceptions with the views that others hold about our lives. Sometimes, we feel a nagging sensation in the back of our minds that we should care about the beliefs of those around us. After all, they want what's best for us.
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I'm going to guess now.

• Be a homeowner
• Have a partner 
• A job that you enjoy, that pays well and allows progression.

It's important to have a clear idea of what we're working towards, but we should also consider whether our goals are truly our own and their benefits to us they benefit us. 

Where does the pressure of the social clock come from?
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The biggest, in my belief, is comparing ourselves. We often compare something we like about another person with something we wish we had ourselves. It's a quick way of deciding if we are good enough or not. This happens without much effort or evaluation.

We see something we like about someone else's life and wish we had it too, without realising that we're different people with different paths and timelines. We probably don't know all of the details, the back story. Many of us are comparing something we like about another person with something we dislike about ourselves

Timelines have a place, probably for meeting a deadline at work, this makes sense because there are usually different ways of approaching a task but the end goal is the same. The same can't be said when we are making decisions about our life and future. 

 We shouldn't feel rushed to achieve certain things by a certain age, because everyone's journey is unique and there's no one "right way" to live life. If you would like some support with managing expectations and pressure.

If someone were to ask me if I watch films, my immediate answer would be "No!"  I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time, especially with films. However, that statement is not entirely true. It depends on what I could learn from the film. They have been a lifesaver

During my training as a therapist, my tutors often spoke about resources, including textbooks, academic journals, and reading. With all the best intentions, I tried to apply myself to these resources, but I found it tough to learn or take anything in. It is amazing how films can so effortlessly help things make sense.

I remember once writing a journal entry after watching Billy Elliot and applying counselling theories to it.  Thankfully for me not so much for those I watch films with. This has never stopped! Note I don't get much company to the cinema. 

Films can be the starting point for so many conversations, they are so relatable.

How many of us have watched Inside Out? I have and loved it. Riley has five major emotions — Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger and Disgust in her mind that work together to help guide her as they do all of us in managing change in our lives and the world around us or in ourselves.  Maybe you are more of an X - men fan. Whatever works for you is good with me. (You might be surprised with what I  know)

If you struggle with the idea of sitting in a room talking to someone, let me reassure you, that therapy doesn't have to look like this, we can work in ways that are more suited to you. 

Many reading this blog might have first thought I am talking to men who drink alcohol. 

We know men have different ways of coping and a weekly pub visit might be their Friday thing to de-stress and unwind that's not my focus here. and some might choose to visit the pub every week as a way to unwind I'm talking about hitting the bottle not so much in the physical sense instead hitting the bottle, metaphorically. They often put their feelings and emotions in a bottle and tightly screw on the lid so there's no chance of spills or leaks because we all know what mess that would make.

Let's imagine for a second a bottle of emotions and mixed feelings - by bottling them up. Rather than expressing their feelings, they lock them away tightly to avoid any potential emotional outbursts which might lead to a mess.

Growing up do you remember asking your parents to play a board game and being met with a No I've got loads of stuff I still need to do. We'll play it another time ok? Bottling up the sadness you felt, knowing there is little success in trying to persuade them.

As an adult you are always the one asked to do favours at work, cover staff shortages and work your ass off to meet deadlines, keeping management quiet. You overhear someone say ask [...]they'll give you a hand with that.  [...] knows how to do that, go run it past them. You recognise you are feeling frustrated but feel you can't show your outrage in front of people because of people. There's where the feeling goes, into the bottle. 

It's probably seen as a sign of maturity without much thought about where the emotions have gone. The situation has been and gone nothing more to say on the matter right?

I say there's a lot still to be said actually. What about the message conveyed by language. It speaks to our values, opinions, and needs, and the role that emotions play in shaping our inner world. Emotions guide our actions, shape our perceptions, and help us form relationships with others."

Bottling up means to hide real thoughts and feelings to avoid burdening others with our stuff. Keeping our thoughts and emotions to ourselves. It can be a way to protect those around us. However, just like a fizzy drink, it can only hold so much before the pressure builds up and the lid pops off unexpectedly. This can create a storm of emotions that have been confined for too long. It's important to acknowledge our feelings and find healthy ways to express them rather than letting them brew inside. Remember that it's okay to ask for help and support from those who care about you.

If you need support understanding your emotions and how to manage them. I have helped men to be able to talk more freely about their feelings and can offer the same to you.

We are all well aware of the amount of time we spend at work. We need to be there to bring in the money. It needs to be done but where is the fun in that? 

As adults, we often lose that sense of fun because most of our time adulting. I'm not even sure if this is even a term but I've definitely seen it thrown around on social media. If it's good enough there then it's good enough here.

If I asked how many of you as children spent your time climbing trees, collecting insects or things off the floor to take pictures. We forget to have fun as adults. We fill our time with family, work and all of the stuff in between we can lose sight of doing something for ourselves.

When we connect with our fun side that little boy or girl that still lives inside of us. It lowers our stress levels, lifts our mood and believe it or not improves our productivity. We might even find ourselves raring to go.

Let's feel good 
Doing something that we enjoy allows us to free ourselves from adult duties and responsibilities even if only for a short time. It also helps to release endorphins that help us feel happier.

Get moving 
Many of us spend most sitting for longer periods than we'd like, really needing to give ourselves a stretch maybe this could call for a more active hobby. If we can find an outlet for our stress, reduce the cortisol and have fun it's a win-win.
We all need to let go sometimes and tap into those activities that offer us enjoyment.  It doesn't have to be a sport it might be working on your, car. If you enjoy being in nature picking up your camera, taking some snaps and editing them.

Our view of fun matters 
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We see fun as a distraction from all that we have to do, putting it on the back burning because it can wait. If we view fun as something that offers distraction, it isn't quite the same as fun being essential to our wellbeing and wellness. 

What did fun look like for you growing up and how might it look now?

I love a game of monopoly myself but I know its not everyone's thing

Taking time for ourselves can be difficult, maybe you want to but don't know where to start. I can help you to feel better about yourself, to invest in you. ​

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Do you snooze or lose?

Many would agree that sleep naturally occurs at the end of the day. Some of us may even find ourselves dozing off before reaching our beds, opting to unwind by sitting down, relaxing, and watching some mindless TV.

It isn't this simple.

We can find ourselves tossing, turning rolling the bed night after night. The more of a struggle sleep becomes, the more stressed we feel. We often find ourselves caught in the relentless cycle of tossing and turning, unable to find peace in the quiet of the night. This struggle isn't just about closing our eyes and drifting off—it's about the battle within, where every attempt to rest feels like another step into the room of restlessness.

The bedroom, instead of being a haven of tranquillity, becomes a stage for a nightly performance of unease and discomfort.

We can even become somewhat fixated, and frustrating and even 'beat ourselves up' for the place we find ourselves in. We don't always know the reasons for this...even if we did we might not always be in control and able to do anything to change stuff. Whatever the why. All poor sleepers face their sleep-wake cycle being disrupted.  

Did you know...
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Our brain learns through repetition it grows neural pathways, and it allows us to learn, unlearn and also sometimes relearn. This applies to the kind of learning that we experience when we are tying shoelaces and also when studying times tables as a child. The memory we hold influences how we behave and you could say approach situations.

Sometimes we get fixated and frustrated with our current situation, even blaming ourselves for it. I often talk to clients about how they approach stressful nights trying to sleep, many own ' beating themselves up' Regardless of the reasons, all poor sleepers encounter disruptions in their sleep-wake cycle. 
It's fascinating, isn't it? The way our brains operate, honing in on repetition to forge these neural pathways that shape who we are and how we navigate the world. It's like every action, every piece of information we encounter and repeat, carves out a little more of our mental landscape.
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Many of us when not able to fall asleep naturally, after trying all of the tricks in the book. Counting sheep is one I always remember. One that would sometimes work for me was convincing myself I was going to have to get up for school. This was in my younger years, school wasn't one of my favourite places. When we lack success, we count the hours we've lost and could have had. You've guessed it this leaves us feeling frustrated, and anxious because of the busy day we have ahead of us and ultimately sleeping less and stressing out more. A common saying thrown around when I was growing up was 'What they don't know doesn't hurt them' I didn't always understand this but on this occasion, I agree not knowing would be helpful - there's less likelihood of us getting hung up on the numbers.

Try these tricks...

1) Covering the Clock

When struggling to fall asleep naturally, many of us have tried various methods without success. One classic technique is counting sheep, a fond memory for many. Personally, I sometimes tricked myself into thinking I had to wake up early for school, back when school wasn't my favourite place. When we face sleeplessness, we tend to dwell on the lost hours and what could have been. This leads to frustration, anxiety about the upcoming busy day, less sleep, and increased stress. Growing up, a common phrase I heard was 'what they don't know won't hurt them.' While I didn't always grasp its meaning, in this instance, I agree that ignorance could be bliss - it helps us avoid fixating on the time.

2) Routine rules 

When we are going to sleep in the evening many of us will find ourselves using our phones, or watching a movie. Some day this lighting simulates us. We might even stay up until a film ends, rush up to bed squeeze our eyes shut and hope we drop off and sharpish.

Can I ask something 

When we get ready in the morning, we do things in order, we don't put our shoes on before our socks. When we do this, it helps our brain get prepped and ready for the day ahead. We need to do the same for getting rest. You might put your phone down and move away from any screen an hour before sleeping, having a milky drink and using relaxing scents on bedding 

3) Energy to empty 

We sometimes find ourselves staying awake at night because we have such a busy mind, overthinking about a text we sent or the day ahead. If we use our energy to empty our minds and then pick anything we need to do tomorrow, rather than trying to sleep with a mind full.

I can support you to sleep better and stress less.