Supporting children and young adults through self harm

This week sees the launch of #childrensmentalhealthweek and there are some great, free resources for families to access via their website www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org
​which I really recommend all parents and carers taking a look at.

I wanted to use this week to focus on a subject I am passionate about, it's a huge part of my day job, helping individuals and families create coping strategies in place of self-harm.

Self-harm is somewhat of a taboo subject still but by ignoring it we only allow the severity of the self-harm to increase.

Self harm is self injury, in simple terms it means someone causing harm to themselves. The
reasons behind it are not the same for everyone but can be a physical response to emotional
pain, a way of redirecting the pain to somewhere else. It is a coping mechanism for many people. Imagine feeling completely overwhelmed by feelings of anger and frustration that the only way they have of releasing their feelings or to communicate how tough things are for them is through causing harm to themselves

It is common for those self harming to often feel powerless, experiencing a lack self esteem or self worth and to self harm is a way of regaining a sense of control. Some also say that it is a way of punishing themselves.

Young people are believed to be of greater risk of using this as a way of managing their feelings if they have experienced;
● Loss of parent
● Childhood illness
● Childhood trauma
● Lack of strong attachments

As a parent or any relative or person hearing that someone they love is struggling, their immediate response is to want to fix it for them, make them feel better. This is completely normal, we are human and want pain to stop. 

This behaviour is about distress. It is important to put the breaks on, to remain calm. Create a safe space for the person to talk about how they are feeling. Self harm often happens when a person feels they can no longer bear the anger and agitation. Their emotions are heightened and the body is guiding them to do something, to take away these uncomfortable feelings. If we take this coping mechanism away then we could alienate them, which results in them feeling that no one cares about their pain and distress because we are trying to take away their pain relief.

It might be helpful to form an ally with their goal to relieve their distress and pain by helping them to self soothe. We want to calm the body first. Talking with them about their 5 senses, music, exercise, journaling, the use of fidget toys and activities that keep busy.

I like the delay, distract and decide idea. Help them to give themselves an aim. For example, ‘I’m going to wait 15 minutes before I self-harm. In this time use distraction techniques, such as making contact with someone else or going somewhere different such as your garden or for a walk. You can gradually increase the amount of time you wait before self harming.’ As time passes it might lead to you not self-harm at all.
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If you have specific or personal questions relating to self-harm for yourself or a loved one please follow the links in my bio or DM me through this page 💛

Demi x

About Demi: Demi is an Integrative Counsellor (MBACP), based in the Midlands, investing time in helping people cope and manage life challenges allowing them to develop their own "toolkit". She has previously worked with Childline and Rethink, supporting both young people and adults with self esteem and anxiety issues.
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