What is a therapist/client relationship?The relationship you build with your therapist creates the foundations for growth, change and the beginning of transformation. Being in a relationship with someone who offers empathy, is genuine and offers an unconditional positive regard is key.
The space created in the therapy rooms allows for relaxation, over time less of a guard to protect which means that whatever is being held onto can be acknowledged and explored in your sessions. A space for all sorts of feelings to be experienced, vulnerable like those branches with breaks in, letting go, those fallen leaves the knots in the trunk and feelings of stuck-ness. Rogers, a person-centred counsellor, made connections with a potato. The idea of sending out shoots towards the light as a metaphor for the innate potential for people to grow towards the light themselves. The more we make sense of this the more likely people are to be able to move towards their own sense of growth, the movement towards light inside and outside of the therapy room. It reminds me of my analogy of a sunflower and what it represents for me and then the sunshine in my logo. Can you resonate with this? Why not check out what to expect in therapy page or get in touch for more information about the client/therapist relationship? The staggering difference between women and men when it comes to self helpSelf care is equally as important to both females and males but little is spoken about male self care.
Granted, men's health in general has made great strides over the past 30-40 years in terms of life expectancy at least, but men's health is still somewhat of a taboo subject. But what is self care? It's anything you can do to take care of yourself so you can stay physically mentally and emotionally well. Mind.org.uk states that self-care techniques and general lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of many mental health problems. And where it's acceptable for women to participate in self care activities there is still a huge misconception that men should be strong and be able to cope with life, that they are seen as weak or self indulgent when putting their mental health needs first. Just as we would make strides to improve our physical well-being we must encourage and accept the same for men and their mental health. Whatever your self care may be; eating more fruit and veg, cutting down on alcohol, joining a gym, going for a long walk or just putting yourself first in any situation, this needs to become second nature. We all need to understand that helping ourselves and getting help for our mental health is not a weakness but a power to embrace. To talk more about mens self esteem and self care, why not contact me and see what I can help you with today. Demi x We are creatures of habit and so knowing what we are doing can help us to feel safe and secure. It is not unusual that transitions are accompanied with mixed emotions, at times too many to put our fingers on, fear, sadness or excitement. Transitions, whilst they can be markers for new adventures, the beginning of a new chapters within our life's story, that can mean that some things may come to an end. Just as the world around us adapts to constant changes, so do we. Some of the changes we experience don't create feelings we might expect them too. These can be difficult to manage particularly if those around us expect we will be feeling a certain way. We can begin questioning the reasons we are feeling in such a way. This may be because all changes bring into view questions about ourselves and our relationships with others that we may not have asked before. Change for me reminds me of the saying we often here about riding the waves. I guess it's because with change there are those smooth sailing aspects and those where we have less wind in our sails or stormy conditions. There is good and bad in most change we go through, talking this through is super important because otherwise we get stuck with having to present ourselves as cheerful, which can make understanding and moving through the more difficult feelings that have been stirred up by the transition tough. Talking to friends or family about how you're feeling may feel impossible at times. If you need somebody to listen there are professionals out there, including myself, who can help you navigate your transitions. Contact me to start your journey or complete the form below. Demi x Boundaries, a word we hear often in relation to children, relationships work. What does it mean to you ? What are the images that come to mind when we think about it? Is it a barbed wire fence, a wall, a gated area? It can be thought about in the sense of the space between us and others. These are personal and can depend on the situation, the people around us and what is being asked of us . Boundaries have often been associated with us becoming selfish, but for me it is important to be aware of our own well being, ensuring that we are not using too much of our own resources when wanting to please others. It is about being assertive, having enough confidence to let others know how much you can comfortably offer. Our personal resources are fluid and some of the time we may not feel capable to give a little more than others. This is perfectly ok. Allowing ourselves time to identify our preferences, how we would like to be treated by others, what is ok and what is not ok. Considering feelings that are around when this is going well, it means we are more likely to notice when we are not being as respectful to our own values. Maybe start to see that we are being led by the wants and needs of others. This can not only lead to feelings of resentment or guilt when we do what is asked of us or in fact say no. Overtime it can impact upon our sense of self worth and self esteem when asking for what we need. If you would like to explore more about boundaries and how to action them, why not get in touch and we can start your journey of improving your self esteem and self worth. #boundaries #settingboundaries #personalboundaries #mentalhealth #bettermentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #anxietyawareness #anxietysupport #setboundaries #mentalhealthsupport Demi Shakespeare is based in the West Midlands and offers therapy both face to face and online. She is a registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society and The Association for Counselling and Therapy Online. For regular updates follow Demi Shakespeare Therapy on Facebook and Instagram Today is National Coming Out Day, I'm not sure I'm keen on the idea that we need a day to allow ourselves to be who we are and let others know who we love. Although it is an individual's process, it is often not as straight forward as we would hope. Firstly because we are not in control of other responses, sadly there are still some that are closed off to such ideas about who we should be having romantic relationships with depending on our gender. This can hinder our ability to express ourselves and who we are. "It was hard for a while. I had - as I'm sure lots of people do - a lot of internalised homophobia and I struggled with powerful moments of self-loathing that I'd never encountered before. That attacked my already low self-esteem. It got better eventually, which was immeasurably helped by the positive reactions I got when I came out to others. All of my friends were supportive, and it didn't matter to them" There is no rulebook telling you how to do it, and for some, it can cause great stress and anxiety.
As a therapist I work hard to create a non judgemental environment where you can be you exactly as you are, to explore any thoughts and feelings you are and to give you a space to acknowledge your process. There is no pressure to find your feet and your voice! Get in touch to see how we can work together to make you feel proud of who you are! #lgbtqhistorymonth #nationalcomingoutday #happy #free #lgbtq #worldmentalhealthday #beyou #loveislove Starting a conversation could save a life!Asking someone if they are suicidal can feel intrusive. We may avoid asking because of being unsure how to respond if the answer is yes or make the situation worse. We sometimes avoid these difficult conversations. There can be a sense of fear about getting things wrong, giving someone the idea.
Ask - the lean in approach, If you've noticed changes in behaviour reflect these observations. Listen to your instincts, that gut feeling is often right, if you sense a red flag asking and getting it wrong is the worst that can happen Be in the know, do your research clue yourself up on resources that are available, find out what is out there, use your knowledge of the person you are worried about to choose those that might work best. Papyrus, Childline and drop in emotional support hubs where face to face can be offered. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable, it's never easy talking about topics that raise our anxieties, leave us feeling bodily senses that we would rather not, sweating palms racing heart beat to name just a couple. Notice and naming our own feelings, soothing ourselves, meeting our own needs before we begin can be helpful. Your emotional and physical presence can influence the conversation. Remember you can do it Create a safe space finding a place that has a calming presence to it, where you have some privacy and are not going to be interrupted. Take note of their body language, the unspoken words. Try and be open and relax in your own body language, think about open arms and a subtle level of eye contact, sitting squarely can also feel less intimidating. Open questions help us to access more than a yes or no response and can be used to explore what is happening for the person. I'm wondering... Can you tell me more about .. to help me understand.. I'm sensing that... I'm wondering if I've got that right... Be there, we don't always have to be doing anything physically, find solutions, fix things and use minimal prompts to keep the conversation going . Be open to the idea that bringing life to an end may feel like an option. if in crisis please get help. links to various organisations and helplines can be found here https://www.dstherapy.co.uk/crisis.html Starting a conversation can save a life! Demi x #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionday #WSPD2021 #worldsuicidepreventionday #suicide #letstalk #startaconversation #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness Dealing with changeChange. As I wrote that there I experienced an unsettling feeling within my body, a rumbling inside my stomach. What was going on for me?
It is a word that can carry a variety of feelings in each of us. These might be dependant on the type of change. Is the change going to create an exciting opportunity, attending a new school, moving away from home and into a different city to study a subject you are passionate about (that and the new sense of freedom and into life you've been looking forward to for so long) but now it's closer its has a scare attached to it. It could be a change that is unavoidable, feeling somewhat mandatory without much flexibility. Why scary? As humans we are usually creatures of habit, like a degree of predictability, we like to feel in the know, knowing situations and circumstances well, with the unknown raising our anxieties as we are taken out of our comfort zones. The benefit of change allows us to develop the ability to adapt. Our feelings and the level of fear will be influenced by many factors. Our awareness of the potential for such change happening, expectations, choice, the nature of the change and how definite it is. Our feelings towards change can be impacted on our self esteem, the way we think about ourselves, our sense of personal worth and value. Our thoughts, feelings and experience can shape us. Our sense of self esteem will contribute to our ability to manage changes. Sometimes we can be resentful of the changes a transition creates in our lives. Transitions can involve endings as much as new beginnings, and sometimes it may be essential to find closure on certain things in our lives before we can open ourselves to new experiences. We can feel vulnerable a bit like our structure and scaffolding is unstable but therapy can provide a secure base to explore and process how things are for you. Get in touch with me today and see how dealing with change can be easy with the right support. A-Level and GCSE Exam results day stirs up a lot of emotion for both students and parents. Here are my top tips for dealing with exam day disappointmentA note to the young person making sense of exam results. Its somehow engrained in us to focus on the negatives, but actually, there are nearly always positives we can take away from a situation like this. Right now, you need to focus on those positives and subdue disappointment before it consumes you. Take some time to reflect on the disappointment but do not dwell on things that cannot be changed. Firstly, remember this. You made history. You not only survived a global pandemic you also managed to (pretty much) teach yourself for a whole year and deal with a whole new set of examination stipulations, this was not part of the plan. In fact, all plans were pretty much out of the window. If the teachers, parents, and guardians didn’t have a clue what was going on, then how could you possibly be expected to…but you did, you got on with it and you tried your absolute best. This may not have been part of your plan, sometimes our lives take a sharp turn and lead us down an unexpected road but, although it may not feel like it right now, more often than not, these unplanned road trips end up bringing us more happiness. There are alternatives, resits, different courses or a complete change of plan. Talk it through with parents and professionals that you trust to give you sound advice. Stay around people and do activities that can help you relax, ultimately you need to be kind to yourself. A note to the parents supporting young people with exam disappointmentIt’s easy enough for us to say ‘they’re only exams’ but to young minds this has been their main goal in life for so long. The main thing your child needs right now is your support. Don’t try to wrap them up in cotton wool. Talk things through calmly and try to let your child find their own solutions without forcing your opinions (or sometimes your own disappointment, after all you’ve been routing for them for a long time too) on them. There's no denying that exams are important, however they are just one measure of success. Initially there will be much upset, but this should start to ease given time. If you start to notice changes in behaviour, signs of stress and anxiety, try to encourage them out of their surroundings, get outside, take a day trip, go see a movie together or even a splurge in the shops, it may not change the results but may clear their minds to allow them to think about what steps to take next. Above all else approach this time with love and and not anger, there are solutions, you just have to work together to find the right one for your child. Useful links: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/ is a fabulous website split for both young people and adults UCAS | At the heart of connecting people to higher education have specialists who can navigate you through your options. Worried about your teenager? - NHS (www.nhs.uk) a great resource for parents worried about their child’s mental health. Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families are offering free sessions between 16-19 August to give you some tips on how to support your child & their mental health. For help during a crisis click to see the Help Now page. If you are struggling with exam results and need somebody to talk to you can contact me for a free 20 minute introductory call Click on the button below.A year ago today we were gripped with uncertainty, not knowing what the immediate future held for any of us and I'm not really sure where the past twelve months have gone to be honest. It almost feels lost, like a blur. In my ‘real life job’ I've worked longer hours as more and more people reach out to talk about their anxieties about the world around them. And you know, us counsellors and therapists are not immune to experiencing these anxieties ourselves. I for one did not think for a minute that we would lose so many loved ones and that collectively hundreds of thousands of lives would be cut short. I know death is sadly an unavoidable event that comes to us all but we would not usually have to deal with it in such high numbers, being reminded every time we turned on the TV or read the news.
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AuthorDemi Shakespeare
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