Boundaries, a word we hear often in relation to children, relationships work. What does it mean to you
? What are the images that come to mind when we think about it? Is it a barbed wire fence, a wall, a gated area? It can be thought about in the sense of the space between us and others. These are personal and can depend on the situation, the people around us and what is being asked of us .
Boundaries have often been associated with us becoming selfish, but for me it is important to be aware of our own well being, ensuring that we are not using too much of our own resources when wanting to please others. It is about being assertive, having enough confidence to let others know how much you can comfortably offer.
Our personal resources are fluid and some of the time we may not feel capable to give a little more than others. This is perfectly ok.
Allowing ourselves time to identify our preferences, how we would like to be treated by others, what is ok and what is not ok. Considering feelings that are around when this is going well, it means we are more likely to notice when we are not being as respectful to our own values. Maybe start to see that we are being led by the wants and needs of others. This can not only lead to feelings of resentment or guilt when we do what is asked of us or in fact say no. Overtime it can impact upon our sense of self worth and self esteem when asking for what we need.
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Demi Shakespeare is based in the West Midlands and offers therapy both face to face and online. She is a registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), the National Counselling Society and The Association for Counselling and Therapy Online. For regular updates follow Demi Shakespeare Therapy on Facebook and Instagram