Have you ever felt like you can't make a decision without checking with everyone else first? Like there's this constant need for validation buzzing in the background of your mind? You're not alone. For many of us, seeking approval from others can feel like an addiction—one we've carried for so long that we've forgotten what it feels like to simply trust ourselves.

Approval addiction sounds scary. It's that uncomfortable feeling when someone doesn't respond to your text right away, or the way your stomach drops when you sense disapproval. You might find yourself constantly scanning faces for reactions, adjusting your words mid-sentence, or feeling physically uncomfortable when you can't read someone's mood.

The truth is, some of us have never known life without constantly considering what others think. It becomes so automatic that we lose touch with our own inner compass entirely. Learn more about self esteem and why it matters.

Here's something powerful: your body is constantly giving you information. That gut feeling when something doesn't feel right? That's not always anxiety talking— It could be internal wisdom trying to guide you. Your stomach, your chest, your shoulders—they all hold messages about whether something feels okay or not.

Learning to trust these physical sensations again is like reconnecting with an old friend. Its about being able to work out if it is keeping you 'small' or being supportive. Your body knows when you're abandoning yourself to please others. It knows when you're saying yes but mean no. The question is: are you listening?

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One of the most beautiful things about therapy is those sudden moments of clarity—the lightbulb moments where stuff starts to 'click'. You realise you don't have to abandon yourself to be loved. You discover that you can live your life without needing everyone's stamp of approval.
These realizations can be both liberating and totally shit scary. Liberation because suddenly you see that things can change; Terrifying because now you might do things differently.

Many of the stories running in our heads are outdated. They're like old software that once served a purpose but now just slows everything down. "I must be perfect to be loved." "If someone disapproves of me, I'm in danger." "My needs don't matter as much as others'."
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These beliefs made sense once—maybe they protected you as a child or helped you navigate difficult relationships. But now? They might be keeping you small and disconnected from your authentic self.

Therapy creates a safe space to understand these patterns without judgment. It's where you can:

• Recognise when you're abandoning yourself for others' comfort
• Learn to distinguish between your voice and the voices of others in your head
• Practice trusting your gut feelings and internal wisdom
• Rewrite the stories that no longer serve you
• Develop the courage to disappoint others when necessary

The goal isn't to stop caring about others—it's to care about yourself too. It's learning that you can be considerate without losing yourself in the process.

Get in touch for your free 20 minute introductory call to see how I can help you

Breaking free from approval addiction isn't about becoming selfish or uncaring. It's about remembering that your own approval of yourself matters most. It's about trusting that you can handle disapproval from others and that it doesn't define your worth.
You deserve to live a life that feels authentic to you, even if not everyone understands or approves. Your gut feelings are valid. Your needs matter. And you don't need permission from anyone else to honor them.
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Remember: This journey takes time and compassion. Be patient with yourself as you learn to trust your own voice again.

Just be more confident!"
How  many times have you heard that advice? Whether it was before a job interview, asking someone out, or standing up to that colleague who keeps taking credit for your work. And how many times did you think, "Great, thanks. Why didn't I think of that?" while internally screaming because if you could just be confident, don't you think you would be already?

Here's what nobody tells you: confidence isn't a switch you flip. It's something you build, brick by brick, through understanding how you got here and what actually works. Whether you're struggling with low self-esteem, anxiety, or feeling like you're not enough, 

I used to think confident people were just born different. Like they had something special going on for them to have their say in meetings, negotiate their salary, or walk into rooms like they owned them. If you're living with social anxiety, imposter syndrome, self-doubt, you've probably wondered the same thing. Turns out, that's not how it works.
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Real confidence isn't about convincing everyone else you're capable—it's about knowing you can handle whatever comes your way. And that knowing? It comes from evidence, not affirmations. This is so importance if you are questioning your worth.

Here's something that changed everything for me: every interaction is a teaching moment. When your boss dumps last-minute work on you and you say "no problem!" while dying inside, you're teaching them that your time isn't valuable. When you laugh along with jokes that make you uncomfortable, you're teaching people that disrespecting you is fine.

This isn't your fault. Most of us learned these patterns young. But recognizing this is powerful because it means you can start teaching different lessons. (Learn more about setting healthy boundaries)

Playing small feels safe, but it's actually suffocating. You know that voice that says "Who am I to speak up?" or "I should wait until I'm more qualified"?
That voice isn't protecting you—it's keeping you trapped. I see this with clients all the time: brilliant people who apologize for taking up space, who have amazing ideas they never share.

Here's the truth: you don't feel ready because you haven't given yourself the chance to prove you can handle it.

The real work isn't about becoming someone new—it's about unlearning old patterns that aren't serving you. This is where therapy becomes incredibly valuable for building genuine self-esteem and addressing anxiety. I blend different types of therapy to suit you. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy tools can be a game changer, and personal development work can help you understand and change these patterns.

If you're tired of waiting for confidence to magically appear, start where you are. Pick one small area where you've been playing small and take one tiny action today. Maybe it's speaking up in that meeting. Maybe it's saying no to something you don't want to do.

You don't need to feel ready to begin. You just need to begin to start feeling ready.
Ready to take the next step? If you're tired of confidence tips that don't work, create change that lasts.