Have you caught the most recent match yet?
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With the onset of football season, our screens are covered with constant reminders of the big game and the excitement of the upcoming matches. We can all too quickly become trapped in the high stakes, the adrenaline rush, the collective delight or sorrow.
However, there lurks a darker undercurrent beneath this high-spirited unity. A grim shadow cast by the football fever that we tend to overlook.

It's a nerve-racking truth that football and domestic violence are alarmingly interconnected. It's unsettling to think that the outcome of the English national team's matches has a direct impact on the frequency of reported domestic abuse incidents. A win or draw leads to a 26% increase in cases, while a loss triggers an even more troubling 38% surge.
It's not the football that's the problem. We all want to live in a world where successes are shared, but it doesn't always work out that way. It's more about the match day atmosphere - the drinking, the emotional rollercoaster, the helplessness when things don't go the way we hoped. That's where the danger lies.

Charities are hustling, scrambling to turn the floor lights on a hidden issue, one that intensifies in the shadow of big sports events. Women's Aid's campaign, 'No More Years of Hurt', steps forward with a quiet determination, aiming to highlight the silent battles fought behind closed doors. They're banking on the power of well-known football slogans to trigger a much-needed dialogue.
If you are someone who experiences the ugly side of a football game.

There are people to help:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline  on 0808 2000 247 for free confidential information and support

Black Country Women's Aid on 0121 553 0090 (Monday to Friday 9 am to 5pm) Outside office hours 
0121 552 6448.  Working alongside Ask Marc on 0121 289 6402 supporting men.

Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm), or visit the webchat at Men's Advice Line (Wednesday 10 am to 11.30am and 2.30 pm to 4pm)


ManKind on 0808 800 1170 (Monday to Friday 10am t0 4pm) or on the helpline  01823 334 244 
LGBT+ contact  Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support

Children and Young People call NSPCC  on  0800 11 11 

Worried about someone seeing you've been here click  Cover Your Tracks
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If you are in need of support. I am here for you.

How often does the question "How are you?" get met with a response of "I'm fine" from you? It's the customary response, right?  Why wouldn't we believe someone when they say they're doing okay? We take the words at face value, not questioning their validity.

Yet, we're all aware that the words we voice don't always reflect our inner emotions. At times, we may be too hasty to offer a response without truly connecting with our emotional state - or as a therapist would put it, "feeling our feelings".

It's wild to think that it's been years since I first became a therapist in 2019. The time just seems to fly be. I recall seeing a post about FINE being an acronym for 'Feelings Inside Not Expressed', and it's a concept that's stayed with me. 

I heard something similar, where an artist spoke about F is for feeling overwhelmed, I is for I'm not ok, N is for not sleeping. E is for every night.

We, as a society, often misinterpret vulnerability as a sign of frailty—it's not something we're typically at ease with. I fully understand this situation. Like numerous clients, I've endured that sinking feeling in my stomach, my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

In therapy by creating a safe harbour, a sanctuary where emotions aren't judged but embraced. It's pretty clear It's not that we don't recognize our worries, it's that we're terrified of the fallout that might come from revealing our experiencing to those in our circle.

Sharing your feelings can be a daunting task, especially when you're grappling with self-doubt and anxiety. It's important to remember that you're not alone in this struggle, and there are ways to navigate these conversations that can help you feel heard and understood. Here are some tips that might make the process a bit easier for you.

First, try to identify what exactly you're feeling. This might seem obvious, but emotions can be complex and layered. It might help to write down your thoughts beforehand, or even practice saying them out loud to yourself. This can give you a clearer picture of what you want to convey and can reduce some of the anxiety about finding the right words in the moment.

When it comes time to share, choose a listener you trust. This might be a friend, family member, or therapist who has shown themselves to be supportive and understanding in the past. Let them know that what you’re about to share is important to you and that you’re seeking their understanding and support. Setting the stage in this way can help create a safe space for your feelings.
Lastly, be patient with yourself and the process. It’s okay if it feels awkward or if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly. Sharing your feelings is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.

​Remember to be kind to yourself and acknowledge the courage it takes to open up. You’re making an important step towards better understanding and managing your emotions, and that’s something to be proud of.

​If you feel talking to a therapist is for you. I'm here for you. 

Have you ever found yourself lost in thought, wondering why your mind seems to be racing a mile a minute?

In our fast-paced world, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and stressed, yet we often forget to take a moment and check in with ourselves. Keeping a mental health journal can be a transformative practice, providing a space to unravel the knots of your thoughts and emotions. But what exactly does this entail, and how can it benefit you?

Consider this: how often do you truly allow yourself to express your deepest thoughts, the ones that you believe if people knew they'd think you were crazy!

A journal is a safe space where you can write away lay bare your anxieties, joys, fears, and dreams without the fear being misunderstood. By regularly jotting down your day-to-day experiences, you can begin to identify patterns in your emotions and those moments where your buttons are pressed. Have you noticed how certain situations always seem to tip you over the edge? Or perhaps there are recurring moments of joy that you might want to cherish more deliberately. Reflecting on these entries can offer profound insights into your mental state and help you navigate the ebbs and flows of life with greater ease.
But let's get real—starting and maintaining a journal can feel daunting, especially if you're not sure where to begin. Why not start with a simple question: "How am I feeling today?" It's a straightforward prompt that can open the vessel for really connecting with where you are, maybe you could reflect on a specific event: "What happened today that made me feel particularly happy or anxious?" 

How does this have anything to do with self care

Self care isn't just about understanding yourself better; it's also about nurturing your well-being. How often do you take time out to truly care for yourself? When you journal, you're not just documenting your life; you're actively engaging in a practice that promotes mental clarity, reduces stress, and supports emotional healing. It's like having a conversation with a wise friend who always has your best interests at heart but doesn't try to fix it So, why not give it a try? The next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, grab a notebook and start writing. You might just find that the answers you've been seeking have been within you all along.

Remember, there's no right or wrong way to journal. It's all about finding what resonates with you and fits into your unique lifestyle. So, why not give it a try? What have you got to lose, and more importantly, what might you gain in this journey of self-discovery?

If you feel you need help with getting started. Reach out to see how I can support you

Have you ever had one of those days where everything seems to go wrong? It feels like there is some kind of plot where the odds are most certainly stacked against you.. No matter how hard you try, nothing goes your way. We've all been there, haven't we? But have you ever paused to think about what those difficult days actually teach us?

When life gives us lemons we need to get better at making lemonade. It's easy to get caught up in the frustration and disappointment. Yet, these challenging moments can have the most valuable lessons within them.

How often do we truly appreciate our own strength until we're put to the test? Those days when we feel like throwing in the towel are the same days when we are pushed to the absolute limits. The evidence just how resilient we are and how much we can take despite feeling we are close to breaking point. Isn't it fascinating how struggles can uncover parts of ourselves we didn’t know existed?
What's more, difficult days remind us of the importance of perspective. We all let the small inconveniences influence our mood even if just for a few minutes until we move on to the next thing? Yet, when we step back, we realize that these troubles are often temporary. Could it be that these rough patches help us cultivate gratitude for the growth?

 Failure. It's a word that can evoke an array of emotions—fear, disappointment, or even shame. It's often down to the way we view whatever we 'failed'.

I try to see failure might to be a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block? What if, instead of seeing failure as the end of the road, we viewed it as a detour that offers valuable lessons along the way? This shift in perspective, often referred to as "reframing," can transform our understanding of these tough times on the journey we call life 

Think about the last time you believed you failed How did it make you feel? Did you find yourself questioning your abilities or even your worth?  This is totally understandable and a natural response, because of all the effort we put in, but what if we asked ourselves different questions instead? What did this teach me about myself? What can I do differently next time? By reframing or changing the picture in the frame in this way, we can make sense of what happened and any changes to our approach. A change in mindset can turn a loss into a lesson? Of course, this isn't to say that reframing failure is easy nor that you will do this once and the disappointment is gone. It takes effort and practice to look beyond the immediate sting of disappointment and dig deeper into the experience.

You've got this, if you need help working on your mindset. I'm here for you.
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